Why Female Dating Advice Will Keep You Stuck
Look, I know it's tempting to reach out to your big sister, or your female friends when that girl's not responding to your texts or you just got dumped. But in general, if you listen to advice from women... you're going to have a hard time.
Problem 1: Women Don't Want To Hurt Your Feelings
Women in general are very nice. Sometimes a little too nice! In fact, some women are so nice they have a hard time being not nice.
That's why when she wants to introduce you to her friend that she says is a great match for you and you ask her if she's good looking she may say, "She's nice". Of course, you immediately know what that means. And to her girlfriends, she may say, "Stacy just isn't that pretty."
And when you ask her for advice, she may try to tone it down too much instead of just telling you you're messing up.
For instance:
- She's not going to say..."You need to shave, you look like a slob."
- She's going to say, "Well, you'll find someone who matches you better."
- She's not going to say "You need to dress better and get fit."
- She's going to say, "You need to find someone who has the same interests as you."
And when you're blowing up that girls phone with endless texts and calls...
- She's not going to say, "You're coming on too strong and smothering her."
- She's going to say, "Well, she just doesn't see how great guy like you is. She's missing out."
She's simply not going to fully honest with you, because she won't want to hurt your feelings. Because you see, she's going on the premise of, "You need to be accepted as you are." She's not going to challenge your paradigm, she's going to be nurturing and supportive like a mother would, and make you FEEL better.
She will not CHALLENGE you to be better, and really be brutally honest.
Problem is, men grow through challenge, and women grow through connection and praise.
She's naturally going to give you connection and praise, as she would to her girlfriends, and that keeps you stuck because you aren't being challenged to be better tomorrow than you are today. She won't give you a CLEAR direction.
She'll dance around and obfuscate the real issue just to make you FEEL BETTER.
Problem 2: She'll Mistakenly Tell You To Do The Wrong Thing
You see, most women mean well, but they don't understand that what they WANT a man to do isn't always what they respond to romantically.
They have an idea of what they believe is romance and they tell men to do that.
The problem is that it doesn't always work because women don't really usually respond sexually to a man who does those things she tells him to do.
Yes, if it's the man she's already attracted to she will SWOON if he does these things. The problem is she's giving this advice without taking into consideration that she's already attracted to him. She already assuming attraction is happening and so it feels great to receive flowers and have him chase her. It makes her feel special, safe, and secure.
- She won't say "Stop chasing and make her come to you."
- She'll say, "You gotta pursue her!" (but when you do, she won't respond to your texts.)
- She won't say "Treat her with respect, without putting her on a pedestal."
- She'll say, "Bring her flowers, and treat her like a queen." (but then she'll get turned off and feel smothered.)
- She won't say "Don't declare any grand feelings before you've experienced sex together."
- She'll say, "Let her know how you feel!" (but when you tell her how you feel, she doesn't feel the same way about you.)
This is because MOST women don't understand what really turns them on. And that makes sense. Women naturally like to be lead on a journey in a romantic sense. She's going against her feminine nature to deconstruct her own attraction like a guy would.
She'd rather just go along for the ride... the love story... the journey. IF she deconstructs it... where's the magic? She doesn't want it to be formulaic, she wants to be in a love story.
So she remembers what men did for her in the past that made her feel great AFTER she was already into the guy. And she'll tell you to do these things. But if you start doing these things BEFORE she's into you, you're putting the cart before the horse, and so it comes off as too strong because you're doing it too early... and it comes off as desperate and needy.
You're doing boyfriend things when you're still in the "Lets' see what happens" phase.
Problem 3: She Might Intentionally Sabotage You.
I know this sounds crazy, but she might actually sabotage your chances and feed you bad advice.
Think of it this way.
If you get with a new girl and she's used to having your time and attention as a friend, and she can always rely on you to be there for her in a platonic sense, she's going to lose that if you start spending all your time and attention with a new girl.
She also knows where you stand on the scale of women you can attract, and so she's NOT going to introduce you to her hot friends, because she knows it will hurt your feelings when they say no.
Plus her friends won't like it very much when she puts them in an awkward situation. They'll say, "Jen! Why are you trying to hook me up with him!?" Plus, she knows what her friends are going to do, and she won't want to hurt your feelings.
Or if your female friend thinks you're really attractive and she has a crush on you, she certainly isn't going to be putting other women on your radar, she's going to want to keep you to herself. If she has hot friends the LAST thing she's going to want to do is introduce you to them and have to deal with a lot of competition for your time and attention.
In fact she may even feed you bad advice so you will fail... she is, "Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time." That's straight from the Taylor Swift song "You belong to me".
Think about that!
You Should RARELY, If Ever, Ask Her To Be Your Girlfriend
Again, women seek connection. At some point, she's going to be falling in love with you and hint at what she wants. If you let her come to you in her own time and give her the freedom to come and go as she pleases - remember women are like cats in this way - she'll say to herself, "This guy is really secure in himself, he's not pulling me, he's not trying to lock me down, and I like that.
I feel good with him because there are no expectations. I don't have to perform." This will generate a sense of being secure with you and she'll want all of your time and attention.
At some point, she'll hint at being exclusive. She may say, "I'll only sleep with you if we're exclusive." but usually it's little more subtle. She may say something like, "So I was talking about you and didn't know what to call you." or "So where is this going?"
When she hints at it, sometimes not so subtly, then you can agree that you should be her boyfriend. That's key. She WANTS you to be her boyfriend as opposed to you wanting her to be your girlfriend.
She needs to feel like she's slowly, over time, pulling you in. That you aren't so easy, and she's winning you over with her hard work and that it's progressing naturally. That you won't just throw your life away to be with her.
She needs to feel special by pulling you away from your purpose or direction in life. And you need to establish those boundaries so that you can maintain your compelling vision.
You must demonstrate personal power.
Again, when she's ready, she'll let you know!
Your Turn
We talk about this in great detail in the Move on After Betrayal-program. Click here to watch an introduction video and get a free taste of the program. You'll get instant relief for break up anxiety.
If you've got a question you'd like answered in a video, simply comment below.
FREE Video:
Instant Relief From Uncertainty in 25
Minutes
RELATED POSTS
RELATED POSTS
CATEGORIES
SEARCH
About the author
Specializing in helping men get back on their feet after a divorce, Ed Baxter has helped hundreds of divorced men through Genuine Attraction over the last 4 years.
Ed Baxter
© 2022 Genuine Attraction LLC. All rights reserved
© 2022 Genuine Attraction LLC. All rights reserved