Am I Doing Something Wrong Here?

As I’m writing this, training is picking up for the spring racing season, and not long after the first of the year, so many brand new runners are embarking on their running journey for the very first time. All across the nation, people that were never athletic or even physically active-who would be the first to purport that “I’ve never had an athletic bone in my body…”-are lacing up their new running shoes for the very first time. That’s the power and magic of our sport. It’s truly a sport that anyone can compete in, and that anyone can discover and take up at any point in life, from youth to old age. Save for the courage to start, there truly is no barrier to entry.

That said, as the days and miles begin to roll by, many of these brand-new runners are troubled deep down by a nagging question…

“Am I doing something wrong here??”

To illustrate what I mean, I’ll tell a story from a community 5k training group that I worked with in my hometown of Toledo, OH about a decade ago. A gentleman that was middle aged and of larger build joined along with his wife. Both were brand-new to running, and fell in with our beginner group. The guy had an awesome sense of humor. One day, he made an off-the-cuff comment:

“This group is fun, but what I can’t get over is that everyone is just so… damn… cheerful all the time! Here I am, literally sweating like a hog, and I’m like, ‘This sucks!!’”

While in jest as his comments usually were, I chuckled along with him and nodded, smiling knowingly. Yet I knew that while he may have been joking, there was a part of that sentiment that was both wholly serious and deeply true. It is this sentiment that leaves many newer runners asking themselves the question:

“Am I doing something wrong here??”

I suppose the psychological term to best describe it would be “imposter syndrome”. Especially in the social media age, a newer runner might look around and see fellow runners appear to be having the time of their lives seemingly constantly, reaching new heights day after day without ever showing the slightest sign of strain.

I’ve run competitively for 24 years now. In that time I’ve reached some pretty high levels of the sport, winning several races including some good sized marathons, and even placing as the top competitor from the state of Ohio in both the 2016 and 2020 United States Olympic Marathon Trials. I say all to preface this: Quite simply, it does not matter who you are, what level of the sport you’re at, or how long you’ve been at it… There are times when running is just plain hard!

I think that this is important for me to say, because even many runners not so distant from me-my own athletes that I coach and talk to extensively on a weekly basis-would find it shocking that I don’t just love every moment. One of my stars in Tennessee-for quite a while she held the Gaynor Train record for largest marathon PR in a single race of 23 minutes-made a comment some weeks back:

“You just always seem like you’re having fun all the time!”

Little does she and many others know, that while I’ve been training and competing at a high level for decades now, I spent much of my 20’s planning to quit the sport imminently, and was quite vocal about it at times. The strain of continuing to train at a high level while balancing the difficult enough demands of being an adult in the 21st century constantly wore on me. I desperately wanted life to just slow down, and you can bet that on many days-particularly days where I had a hard workout to do-I really did not want to lace up and step out that door.

And yet, here I am…

There’s an old quote from the late, great Steve Prefontaine-once the American record holder in every event from 2,000 to 10,000 meters, not to mention the holder of a cult following to this very day-that rings true through the ages:

“You have to wonder at times what you’re doing out there. Over the years, I’ve given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement.”

While that rings quite true-after all these years I’m still trying to set personal best times and become better at the sport than I’ve ever been-perhaps even more importantly I’ve found that it’s also about having the correct perspective. Namely, as the years have rolled on I’ve come to a deeper and deeper understanding that most things in life that are truly meaningful and worth pursuing have their share of hard times.

Trust me, I STILL do not often feel like getting out the door to hurl myself along for 400 meter repeats to the point of exhaustion immediately after a long day at work. Nothing’s changed there!

Yet, in the vein of “meaningful and worth pursuing”, the main thing that has kept me coming back after all these years is the people… The people that this sport has brought into my life.

After a run not long ago, I went to Chipotle here in Santa Fe with my buddies Tiago and Mark. We were swapping stories and having a great time. I asked Tiago if this was the Santa Fe equivalent of The Office episode where Michael decides to sample some authentic New York Style Pizza, and winds up at a Sbarro. We all laughed and I made the comment,

“See this right here is what I like most about this sport. You guys; the people! Honestly there’s days I could live without the training, but it’s the people that keep me coming back.

Thanks to this sport, I am proud to call some of the most talented and brilliant individuals in the entire country my friends. I’ve said for many years now that running brings out the best people, and it brings out the best in people. I recently moved to Santa Fe from across the entire country at 36 years old, but didn’t even bat an eye at it from a social standpoint. I knew I’d have the running community no matter where I went…

It might seem as though I wandered from a point as I often do, but that point is this: If you’re just getting started in your running journey and are struggling, and are looking around and it seems like everyone else is having the time of their lives, it’s because they are! But trust me, each and every one of them has days when they’re struggling too. No matter how long they’ve been at it or what heights they’ve reached, virtually every runner on this planet has days where they echo the exact sentiment of that lighthearted gentleman from Toledo…

“This sucks!!”

In a sport full of paradoxes, it’s a paradox worth embracing.

This then, is why so many runners, myself included, keep right on rolling. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade. During my first month of running as a freshman in high school clear back in 2002, I planned to quit after each and every cross country practice. Yet, I kept showing up. 24 years later, I still keep showing up…

So if you’re at a spot right now where you’re looking around and asking yourself the question, “Am I doing something wrong here?”, I’m here to emphatically say that no, you’re not! If you’re thinking of hanging up the running shoes for good, I’m here to say, give it time, and keep… showing… up.

For my money, 24 years from now you’ll be glad that you did!