Dialogues That Remove Resistance
Because removing resistance is about changing people’s beliefs, you’ll do it easierusing these 12 language patterns. Spot one or more in each dialogue.
1. What would happen if you did/could _____?
2. How would you know if that wasn’t true?
3. I know you want _____, but/and _____.
4. Isn’t it more important to _____ than to _____?
5. Isn’t that a bit like saying _____ [metaphor/analogy]?
6. What happens when you imagine _____?
7. I know how you feel; others have felt the same, and then they found...
8. Yes, I know that you can feel... [Redefine identity labels].
9. Based on what you told me (5-6-7), your next best step is_____.
10 . Maybe you’re saying that because _____.
11 . What I hear you saying is you believe_______.
12 . Maybe it’s not that _____; maybe it’s that _____.
Dialogue 2
Reduce Seller Resistance with Mindful Questions
• What is important about selling your home to you?• What did the person who referred you to me sayabout me?• What price range do you feel your home is in?• What improvements have you made to your homesince you bought it?• What do you want to get from this meeting and howwill you know you got it?• How long have you thought about selling?• How do you and your family feel about this move?• What do you see as the biggest benefit/drawback ofthis move?
Dialogue 3
Reduce Buyer Resistance with Mindful Questions
• What’s important about buying a home to you?• How soon would you like to be moved?• How would your plans be affected if you moved(earlier/later)?• If we found a home tonight, what would you do?• What will this move accomplish for you?• What issues need resolution before the purchase?• Would you like to buy first or sell first?• Who else will be involved in the decision to purchase?• How long have you been looking?• How many homes have you seen?
Dialogue 4
This is not the right time to sell a home. We want to wait until prices go up/down.
• Are you saying in general it is not the right time to sella home,• or are you saying it’s not the right time for you to sellyour home?• Because it’s more accurate to say that people whoare clearly focused on what is important about selling• will be successful in selling a home in today’s market.• May I ask you what is important about selling yourhome to you? (Discover 5-6-7.)
Dialogue 5
We think it’s not the right time to sell a home and buy a home.
• What I hear you saying is you believe this is not thebest time for you to sell, is that what you believe?• Experience shows every coin has two sides to it.• For example, in the price range of $____, prices havedropped about % and in the $__ range, theyhave dropped %.• So now, when you sell your $__ home you get$____ less,• but when you buy the $____ house you pay $___less,• so that is a net gain of $____.• Based on what you told me (5-6-7), your next beststep would be to go for it.
Dialogue 6
The market is so bad, we want to wait before we buy or sell.
• So what I hear you saying is you believe the market isbad, is that what you believe?• How would you know that what you believe wasn’ttrue?• I’m not going to say wait before you go for your (5-6-7)• because I can show you that in the last ___ days, ___people within ___ square miles of your home havesold their home.• I’m curious, specifically what proof would you need toknow that your belief that you can’t sell right now isjust not true• and it is the right time for you to go for your (5-6-7)?
Dialogue 7
I heard that this is the worst time to buy/sell/borrow.
• Are you sure about that?• Because you sound so confident!• I’m curious, did you actually try to sell your homewithin the last ___ days to arrive at that conclusion• or are you repeating something you heard from theTV, newspaper or a neighbor?• Because, if you really want to know who should notbe selling their home,• it’s the people who are either not serious aboutmoving,• or the ones who owe more on it than it’s worth.• Do you know which category you might fit into?
Dialogue 8
I think we will wait before we buy or sell.
• Maybe you’re saying that because the current marketsituation really seems like a big deal today andmaybe that’s the problem.• Just for the fun of it, imagine you and your family 20years down the road.• You look back to this day when you had theopportunity to sell your house and make your nextinvestment.• Within this context, is the current market situation themost important factor in making your decision to gofor your (5-6-7)?
Dialogue 9
This is not the right time; we want to wait.
• What I hear you saying is you believe that this is notthe right time to sell your home, is that what youbelieve?• How would you know that is not true?• I suggest that, because many homeowners in yourneighborhood have benefited from my skills as aconsultant, negotiator, and overseer of transactionaldetails during their home sale, especially now,• why don’t you call this number and listen to what yourneighbors have to say about selling their home underthese market conditions?
Dialogue 10
How do I know you are telling me the truth?
• That is an interesting question.• You may be saying that because you might not believe myskills of consulting, negotiating, and organizing all of thetransactional details are worth what I would charge you tomake your (5-6-7) come true.• Imagine (Client Name), together we make your (5-6-7) come true.• I’m not going to say that, because we have not workedtogether in the past, you should trust my skills as aconsultant, negotiator, and organizer of the transactionaldetails• because you should check my references first, then makeyour choice.
Dialogue 11
We are just looking at open houses now.
• You may be saying that because you don’t know thatthrough our own company’s computer listings service Ihave access to information on thousands of homes.• The process of buying and financing a home today isbecoming more complex• because lenders determine the maximum mortgageamount with a formula involving the relationship betweenyour income and long-term financial obligations.• I work with these formulas daily and would be happy toreview them with you after the open house.• What time is best, 5pm or 6pm?
Dialogue 12
I am confused about what to do because I have a friend in the business.
• Yes, I know that you can feel confused• because most of the people I help, like you, are myfriends.• The fact is, in your (MLS) 90% of the homes are sold by10% of the agents.• It would be interesting to know if your friend is part of the10% or the 90%,• because experience has taught me that just because aperson has a real estate license,• doesn’t mean that they are the best person to help you.• (Client Name), based on what you told me (5-6-7), your next beststep is ______.
Dialogue 13
I’ve never heard of your company.
• I was hoping you might bring that up,• because I don’t have to tell you that when you chooseme to sell your house, it’s a very important choice,• because you understand that a company does not sellyour home, I do.• Experience shows that, because my ability to consult,negotiate and oversee the transactional details makesthe difference that makes the difference.• I suggest we get to work now on making your (5-6-7)come true, shall we?
Dialogue 14
I don’t want anything less than $_____ for my house.
• I know you believe your house is worth $_____,• and isn’t it more important to get your (5-6-7)• than to try and hold out to get $______?• Because waiting to get $______ could cost your getting(5-6-7).• Based on what you told me,• your next best step would be to test the price of$_______ for 30 days so you can enjoy (5-6-7).
Dialogue 15
I want to offer $_____ or counteroffer $________.
• I understand that you want to offer $_____• and the issue isn’t $_____; the real issue is, will$______ make your (5-6-7) come true?• Because you have trusted me to give you your bestadvice• and based on what you have told me,• your next best step would be $______, and that willget you (5-6-7).
Dialogue 16
It’s too early to buy because we believe prices are still coming down.
• So, what I hear you saying is you believe prices arestill coming down.• I’m curious, is it possible that maybe you’re sayingthat because owning a home is a big responsibility• and you might not be ready for that responsibility?• Or maybe you’re saying that because (5-6-7) is reallynot that important to you now• and you want to try and predict the future?• Let’s stay focused on getting your (5-6-7), shall we?
Dialogue 17
I think you priced my home too low.
• So what I hear you saying is you believe I have pricedyour home too low, is that what you believe?• (Client Name), isn’t that a little like saying to the doctor in themiddle of surgery that you want to help because youbelieve you know more than he does [touch yourchest]?• (Client Name), I appreciate your input and• based on what you told me, your next best step is tokeep your price at $_______ so we can make your (5-6-7) come true.
Dialogue 18
Maybe I should raise the price.
• So what I hear you saying is, you believe we shouldraise the price, is that what you believe? “Yes.”• Isn’t that a bit like saying we are having troublecutting the tree down with an axe; let’s use a butterknife instead?• Imagine how long that would take.• (Client Name), based on what you told me, let’s take sometime right now to consider your ultimate goal of (5-6-7)• because isn’t it more important to (5-6-7) than tryingto sell your home in the next 90 days• at a price that may take a year or more to get?
Dialogue 19
Maybe I should wait until prices come down before I buy.
• So what I hear you saying is you believe you wouldbe comfortable buying, is that what you believe?“Yes.”• My mentor, Joe Stumpf, told me that “Action is thegreatest teacher there is because it is the antidote forfear and anxiety and the remedy for indecision.”• Imagine whatever your dream may be,• action will help you move beyond your fears• and turn your (5-6-7) into reality.• Sometimes we just need permission to go for ourdream.• Go for it.
Dialogue 20
I can’t accept that offer.
• I’m curious (Client Name),• based on what you told me about your (5-6-7), whatwould happen if you did go ahead and accept theiroffer?• I know you want (5-6-7)• and accepting this offer will get you what you want.• That makes sense, doesn’t it?
Dialogue 21
Why didn’t you sell my home when it was listed with another company?
• Maybe you’re asking me that because you don’t knowthat while your home was for sale,• I was fulfilling the promises that I made to the peoplewho hired me to get their homes sold.• I know that you wanted to get your home sold while itwas listed,• and while your home was listed with __________, ourcompany sold _______ homes.• It would have been nice if yours was one of them,wouldn’t it?• I’m not saying we ignored your home but with ____homes on the market,• I focus on my own listings.• Let’s talk about what is important about selling yourhome to you.
Dialogue 22
I will put my home on the market when we find the right house to buy.
• I know how you might feel.• As a matter of fact, I have a client who felt the sameway,• but what they found was they were in a much betterposition to negotiate once they had their home on themarket.• What happens when you imagine that you have tofinalize the sale of your current home only when youhave fully negotiated acceptable terms on your newhome?• Let me explain how the tactic of making the sale ofyour current home contingent on the purchase of yournew home• is a simple way to make your (5-6-7) come true!(Explain how contingency works)
Dialogue 23
I want a shorter listing period.
• I know you want a shorter listing period• and you have decided to price your home at$345,000,• which means it will be part of an inventory of homesthat make up a one-year supply in your market.• What happens when you imagine not getting your(5-6-7) for a year, maybe more?• Now if you want a shorter term so we can getyour (5-6-7),• maybe we should look at listing it at $295,000.
Dialogue 24
I think we should list it at a higher price so we have room to negotiate.
• I’m curious, how would you know if what you believewasn’t true?
• Isn’t that a little bit like saying, “Chocolate chipcookies don’t have any calories, and the more you eatthe more weight you will lose”?• You want it to be true.
• The truth is, if you price too high, no one will look at it• because we are in direct competition with ___homes.• Based on what you told me, your next best step is tolist it at $_______ now and get your (5-6-7).
Dialogue 25
I can’t decide now; I have to think about it.
• What I hear you saying is you believe you can’t makea decision now because you believe you have to thinkit over.• Is that what you believe now?• I’m curious, how do you know that is true?• As you sit here right now, what is stopping you fromhaving what you want, which is (5-6-7)?
Dialogue 26
I don’t like that your office is not local.
• What I hear you saying is you believe that not being alocal office is something you don’t like, is that whatyou believe?• Maybe you’re saying that because you may not knowthat I’m an active member of the local MLS,• which means I will contact each agent by mail andphone because you want me to fully educate them onthe benefits of your home for their buyers.• (Client Name), based on what you told me (5-6-7), your nextbest step is to let me market, consult, negotiate, andoversee the transaction for you.• I know you want (5-6-7), so let’s get started now.
Dialogue 27
I’m just looking.
• That’s the place to start,• or maybe you’re saying that because you have notasked yourself the questions you need to answerbefore you buy.• I don’t know if I am the right consultant for you or ifyou’re the right client for me,• but if I could ask you a few questions it may help you.• May I ask you a few questions?• I’m curious, what happens when you imagine owninga new home?• What is important about buying a house to you?• What would _____give you that you don’t alreadyhave?• When you say ______ could you give me morespecifics?
Dialogue 28
I want to make a low-ball offer.
• (Client Name), when I got into this business I said to myself,“I’m going to help people make triple-win decisionsbecause it’s the right thing to do.”• So before we start to negotiate a lower price,• what happens when you imagine this home makingyour (5-6-7) come true?• (Client Name), stop and say to yourself, “I don’t want to scarethe seller, causing them to think we are not serious.”• Instead let’s look at the facts and make the right offerbased on the average list price to sell price, ____%.• That would be a triple win.
Dialogue 29
I don’t want to buy when the market is down.
• I wonder whether you are aware that your otheroption is to buy when the market is up.• (Client Name), I wouldn’t advise you to buy unless the marketwas down.• I wonder if it has ever occurred to you that over thelast 20 to 30 years the market has gone up and down,• and because you are planning on staying here for atleast ____ years,• I would like to suggest that since this home fits your(5-6-7), we go ahead and negotiate the best offerright now• because we want to make your (5-6-7) come true.• Let’s do that, shall we?
Dialogue 30
I don’t have time to meet with you.
• I understand that you believe you’re too busy to meetwith me because I’m busy also,
• but maybe you’re saying that because you’re not sureif I can provide you with enough value during ourappointment to warrant time away from your busyschedule.
• I’m not going to ask you to invest time with me unlessI knew I could ask several questions that will help youclarify your core goals,
• so that you can make better decisions in the days andweeks ahead about what to do
• in this new real estate or mortgage market.
• What does Monday at 2pm look like?
Dialogue 31
Just email (or mail) me the information.
• I appreciate that you trust me to give you suchimportant information.• And a typical real estate salesperson would probablyjust shoot you the email then move on.• As you may or may not know, the choices you maketoday will impact you for many years to come.• You deserve more than my email because youdeserve 20 minutes to sit down with a trusted advisor• who will ask critical questions, listen vigilantly, andcraft a strategic plan for you.• You deserve my full attention.• Let’s look at our schedules and set a 20-minuteconsultation now, shall we?
Dialogue 32
I’m not interested in getting together with you right now.
• My best advice right now is that we get together for aquick consultation.• Right now, I just don’t know enough about your realestate goals to suggest that we wait,• because my purpose for getting together is simply toask you• seven critical questions,• listen vigilantly to your answers,• then give you clear enough advice• so you know absolutely what your next best step willbe.• Let’s get together, shall we?
Dialogue 33
Why do you ask these questions (5-6-7)?
• I know how you feel because I was sitting in myfinancial advisor’s office for my first visit,• and I was expecting him to come to our appointmentwith printouts, data and numerous ideas for me.
• Then like me, he started asking these thought-provoking questions
• and I felt awkward, but the longer we stuck with it, Ifound I got more comfortable over time.• The best part was when we were all done,• I found out what I wanted was someone to ask mesome intelligent questions so I could discover whatwas really important to me.• Let’s stick with it. Like me, you may like it.
Dialogue 34
Just tell me the price of my home.
• Maybe you’re saying that because you don’t know allthe factors that help determine the full marketpotential of your home.• In fact, there is a lot of integrated complexity involvedin determining your home’s value,
• which means I will need to ask you some thought-provoking questions,
• listen to your answers,• and then based on what you tell me,• give you your next best step.• What happens when you imagine sitting downtogether discussing the full value of your home?
Dialogue 35
We need to net more money.
• What I hear you saying is you believe you need to netmore money, is that what you believe?• I’m curious, how would you know if that wasn’t true?(Listen.)• Saying that you want to price your home based onwhat you need is a bit like saying, “The value of myhome is determined by what I need.”• Maybe you’re saying that because you want tobelieve the market cares what you need,• when in fact the market doesn’t react to what wepersonally need.• Based on my professional and skillful analysis,your next best step is to put the home on themarket for $_____.
Dialogue 36
We just think it’s worth more than that.
• What I hear you saying is you believe your house isworth more, is that what you believe?• I know you want to believe it’s worth $____,• and the fact is, the value of your home is based onwhat the market says it’s worth,• not what you believe it’s worth.• (Client Name), isn’t it more important to get your (5-6-7)• than to dispute the analysis of the data because it’sclear that market value is $_______?• But the bigger and more important issue is,• are you prepared to list your home for that price sothat you can reach your (5-6-7)?
Dialogue 37
I think our home has many extras and upgrades that other homes don’t have.
• What I hear you saying is you believe your home hasmore upgrades than these others, is that what youbelieve?• Maybe you’re saying that because you don’t knowthat it would be obvious to any person that you madesome great improvements.• Experience shows that upgrades make any homemore sellable,• but I don’t know if you know that they don’t makehomes much more valuable.• I love what you’ve done with your home• and carefully considered the upgrades and conditionof your home in comparing it to the others• to determine the best market price in order to makeyour (5-6-7) come true.
Dialogue 38
I don’t want to give our home away.
• That’s a good idea and I agree!• As you can imagine, as the person who [touch yourchest] negotiates for you,• I would not allow that to happen.• I don’t know if you’ve already begun to notice that asyour consultant• it is my responsibility to tell you the facts about thehighest price I believe the market will bear for yourhome,• so I can help you achieve your goal of (5-6-7).• (Client Name), I feel comfortable because I know you wantenough money to make your dream of (5-6-7) cometrue, don’t you?
Dialogue 39
Another agent said they’d list it higher.
• I know you want the highest price,• but isn’t selecting the best agent more important thanlisting with the agent who will just tell you what youwant to hear?• (Client Name), I am here because I want to make your (5-6-7)come true.• Isn’t it more important to know you chose an agentwho can consult, negotiate, organize and handle themarketing of your home,• rather than some agent who tells you the price youwant to hear?• Experience shows a common mistake people make isto overprice their home with the agent who is the leastcompetent to attain that price.
Dialogue 40
Will you cut your commission or reduce your fees?
• That is a good question.• And before I could make that big of a decision, Iwould have to ask you a few thought-provokingquestions,• listen intently to your answers• and only after I clearly know what is important aboutselling to you,• could I then better suggest how you can compensateme for my consulting, negotiating, and organizing ofthe details.• What is important about ____ to you?
(Now is your opportunity to build relationships and value.)
Dialogue 41
Is your service really worth all that commission?
• Your question reveals what you may not know aboutthis current marketplace.• What you really should be asking is,• “What bonus can we offer to get local agents moreinterested in showing our home to their best clients?”• That way, we can make certain your (5-6-7) comestrue.• But I’m glad you brought that up because it seemsyou really do care about getting the proper value fromthe services I offer.• So I’m wondering, for what I’m asking you tocompensate me,• how much value do you want from me for makingyour (5-6-7) come true?
Dialogue 42
I want you to discount your commission.
• Maybe you’re saying that because you believe thatwhen you discount the commission it won’t impact themarketing of your home.• The fact is, there are_____ homes for sale in____.• Buyers rely on their agent to narrow their searchbecause there are too many homes to tour.• Imagine you’re an agent.• Which homes would you show − the ones paying 4%,5% or 6%?• (Client Name), the unintended consequence of discountingcommission is that your home will not be shown andwill not sell.• My role, as your consultant, is to help you makechoices that will protect you from losing theopportunity to reach your (5-6-7).
Dialogue 43
I think you should cut your commission.
• What I hear you saying is you believe I should cut mycommission, is that what you believe? “Yes.”• Maybe you’re saying that because you believe thatyou will save money• or maybe you’re saying that because you believe thatwhen you discount the commission it won’t have animpact on how many agents show your home.• Let me ask you this, how would you know that wasn’ttrue?• They say, “No showings.”• You say, “That’s right.• The belief that you will save money might actuallymean you don’t make anything.• Let’s pay the commission that makes your (5-6-7)come true, shall we?”
Dialogue 44
I really want you to cut your commission.
• I was talking to my clients, Mary and Mark;• I recently sold their home and they paid my 6% fee.• When it was over they said, “Joe, your negotiatingskills alone were worth every penny we paid you.”• (Client Name), you may be saying reduce your fee becauseyou don’t know the value of my negotiating skills yet.• I imagine in the days and weeks ahead, you will knowthat I’m worth every penny you pay me.• Now what’s most important is that I tell you the truth• and the truth is, I choose not to discount my feebecause I know it will significantly hurt your ability toreach your (5-6-7).
Dialogue 45
I know an agent who said they would cut their commission.
• That’s a little bit like saying that a doctor is offeringyou a cut rate on surgery because his business isslow.• I imagine you, like me, would be suspicious, wouldn’tyou?• Maybe they’re offering to cut their pay because theymight be in survival mode right now,• and experience shows that may hurt your chances ofselling your home.• Based on what you told me (5-6-7),• your next best step is to select an agent like me, whois skilled enough to protect his own money,• because then I will be equally skilled at negotiating foryour money.
Dialogue 46
I can’t net less than $______ or we will sell it on our own.
• What I hear you saying is that you believe you couldnet more on your own, is that what you believe?• (Client Name), isn’t that a little bit like saying, “I don’t know howto sail but I am taking this 35-foot sailboat onto theopen ocean by myself”?• (Client Name), do you really want to take that risk?• Because it means you have to put up all the upfrontmarketing money and time to try and sell it.• (Client Name), based on what you told me (5-6-7),• your next best step is to let me take all the risk andnet you as much as we can.
Dialogue 47
I want to think it over.
• I’m curious, what would happen if you did think itover?• Because as your consultant, I encourage you to thinkresponsibly and make sure all of your questions areanswered before you make your choice about what todo next.• (Client Name), based on what you told me (5-6-7),• I’m not going to say go ahead and accept the offernow,• because maybe you’re saying you want to think itover• because you’re really not ready for your (5-6-7).• Otherwise, your next best step would be to go aheadwith it now.
Dialogue 48
I have seen several marketing plans; what makes yours different?
• (Client Name), maybe you’re saying that because you knowthere are only a certain number of things any agent cando to get your home sold,• and you may believe your final decision is not based onwhat I do differently.• I imagine the real issue is my consulting, negotiatingand organizational skills.• I call my marketing plan S-U-C-C-E-S-S:• “S” Seek to understand.• “U” Utilize local knowledge.• “C” Contract and negotiate.• “C” Coordinate the transactional details.• “E” Establish a celebration date.• “S” Set up your moving date.• “S” Stay in touch for life.Based on what you told me, your next best step issuccess!
Dialogue 49
I want to wait for the market to come back before I try and sell/buy/refi.
• (Client Name), it seems to me that in today’s local economy themarket is going to do one of two things:• either remain the same or continue to go down.• So you see, waiting just doesn’t help, does it?• Maybe you’re saying that because you’re really notcommitted to your (5-6-7).• How would you know that waiting for the market tocome back is not the best idea for you?
Dialogue 50
This offer is too low; we’re going to wait for a more reasonable offer.
• Maybe you’re saying that because you are willing to rollthe dice and try for a better offer.• However, experience shows that 95% of the time thefirst offer is the best offer.• I do know how you feel,• and my client Mark felt the same way.• He didn’t accept the offer either and he found himselfselling his house one year later for less than theoriginal offer.• Based on what you told me (5-6-7), your next best stepis to accept the offer now.
Dialogue 51
I’ve lowered my price five times already and it’s still not sold.
• I know you want (5-6-7)• and your neighbor’s home, which is exactly the same model as yours, sold for $3,000 less than you areasking.• More importantly there are three other properties onthe market just like yours.• One property is listed for $5,000 less than yours,• another is $1,000 more than yours• and the last one is $2,500 less than yours.• If anybody is going to buy a four-bedroom, three-bathwith a two-car garage,• it will be the home that is priced the lowest.• Isn’t it more important to you that I tell you the truth and get your home sold?
Dialogue 52
If we drop the price any lower, we won’t have enough equity to move.
• (Client Name), based on what you told me about getting the job,• which means you will be making more money• so you can give your family a better life,• it will make you much happier than you are now.• Isn’t that a great feeling, knowing that you’re one stepcloser to being happy,• that you’re providing a great life for your family• and you’re making lots of money at your new job?• All we need to do now is simply make the sacrifice andlower your price,• so then I can help you get what you want in the timeyou want.• Imagine that.
Dialogue 53
I really want you to lower your commission.
• What I hear you saying is you believe you want me tolower my commission, is that what you believe? “Yes.”[Take out six one-dollar bills and lay them on the table.]• You say, “$3 goes to the buyer’s broker,• $1 goes to my broker and• $1 goes to marketing.• That leaves me with one dollar.• Is that what you want to do, take my last dollar?”• Smile and say, “Please don’t do that.”