Why Control Isn’t Power—It’s Fear

I’ve always loved feeling like I’m on top of things.
All over it.
Takin’ care of business.
In control.

For me, that looked like color-coding my calendars within an inch of their lives…
Keeping everyone’s schedules—and needs—at the forefront of my mind…
And believing that if I just managed it all perfectly, nothing could fall apart.

Because that’s what we’re supposed to do… right?
That’s how we’re trained to be… isn’t it?
That’s how we’ll feel accomplished and successful… I think??

On the flip side, it felt pretty awful when I wasn’t taking care of everything (and everyone).

I felt awful about myself—like I was a failure.
Like everybody else had it all figured out and was WAY better at “life” than I was.

So I pushed through. Did more. Just made it happen.

But that only piled onto my misery. Sure, I had a few wins in there, but “trying harder” mostly drained my energy and sucked the joy out of my days.

Then one day, my mentor dropped an absolute gingersnap realization:

“CONTROL is the same frequency as FEAR.”

gasp!

It was like she was talking right to me. My stomach dropped into my toes. THAT was the feeling that had been running my life for years: fear.

Fear. That was it.

Well, crap. Now what?
How was I going to change a lifetime of acting in fear?
I wasn’t even sure it was possible.

So I started small.

• First, I simply noticed when I had the urge to dive in and control a situation. (Full disclosure—it took practice!)
  

• Next, I got curious. Why did I want to tighten the reins—or grab them out of someone else’s hands? What feeling was I trying to avoid? (Spoiler alert: almost.always.fear.)
  

• Then, I took a few slow, deep breaths. Making sure to exhale fully. (When we slip into what I call “anxiety breathing,” we only use the top half of our lungs, which makes us dizzy and scattered.)
  

• Finally, I made a choice.

Sometimes, I still chose to control the heck out of something. And that was my decision.
But other times, as I got better at noticing and asking questions, I chose differently.

I let go.
I allowed things to play out naturally.
I gave myself permission to step out of fear.

Here’s the truth: letting go doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It means you’ve stopped letting fear run the show.

So now I’ll turn it over to you—
👉 Where might control (and fear) be sneaking into your life right now?

Until next time,
Keep shining, my friend ✨

Wanna learn how other emotions resonate in our bodies? Check out David Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness.  It’s fascinating!