Before you get all up in arms about the presumption that I’m promoting infidelity, let me be very clear about what I’m talking about—the relationship you have with YOURSELF.

💗Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you can ever nurture.

But that’s selfish! You’re likely thinking.

Respectfully, I disagree.

After being raised to believe that I had to comply and conform to what was expected of me in order to be accepted and to belong, to be valued and loved, to have my basic human needs met, I realized that compliance simply taught me to abandon myself.

💔Compliance told me to honor others before myself.

💔Compliance told me that it was wrong to be different.

💔Compliance negated independent thought and choices.

💔Compliance told me that silence was safer than truth.

💔Compliance coerces us into lives that don’t feel like they’re really ours.

We end up living on autopilot. We over give for praise. We over-extend to prove worthiness. We under value ourselves to make others comfortable with their choice to live the “vanilla” lives they opt for. But all the while, we are contributing to self-erasure.

What’s worse is when we end up in relationships that demand us to sacrifice or dismiss some aspect of ourselves, whether dreams and aspirations, goals or desires, pursuits and passions. We glorify people who martyr themselves for the greater good of the family unit or society at large. But why? Why are we encouraging people to deny themselves what they truly want and the potential they haven’t realized just to perpetuate another silent and dutiful generation of sheep who go along with the herd?

💗Let’s normalize uniqueness, instead!

💗Let’s encourage self-expression, particularly when it’s different and unique!

💗Let’s glorify people who think and act outside of the box instead of trying to stuff everyone into it!

➡️Perhaps this isn’t a surprise, but a Harvard study proved that married women are the unhappiest demographic in the world.

Why? LACK OF FULFILLMENT.

Women’s lack of fulfillment was the number one reason for unhappiness, as well as divorce. It trumped infidelity and even abuse!

And why are women unhappy? Because women are historically charged with the care and nurture of everyone around them—everyone EXCEPT for themselves.

And what happens when women do put themselves first, when they set boundaries, assert themselves, and pursue their passions and dreams regardless of what they’re told they “should” do? They’re called selfish. They’re called cold and calculated. They’re called bitches. But when a man does the same, we praise him.

Interesting how an appendage can change people’s perceptions of the same qualities. Isn’t it?

So, yeah, I’m encouraging all women to cheat on their partners—with THEMSELVES.

Because it’s not selfish. It’s self-respect. 💗It’s self-love. 💗

The more a woman nourishes her own needs and wants, the happier and more fulfilled she will be. She’ll be that much better, then, for everyone around her and in every social dynamic she shows up in—as her AUTHENTIC self.

Like everything in life, self-respect and self-love come with a price.

For me, the price was people who benefitted from my self-erasure. The people who diminished me to feel superior. The people who took advantage of my people-pleasing tendencies. The self-serving people who preferred servitude.

At the end of my first marriage, my (then) husband constantly commented about how much I’d changed. At one point, he asked, “Is there someone else?”

“Yeah—ME!” I responded.

Since then, my life has completely transformed. I’m actually happy now.

If any of this resonates, see it as an invitation to explore what areas of your life and which relationships have required you to diminish your personal passions and dreams. Then, ask yourself if those situations and relationships are really worth the sacrifice of yourself.🤔

📖For more on my personal journey back to myself, read my Best-Selling and Award-Winning Debut Memoir GASPING FOR AIR: THE STRANGLEHOLD OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. Available on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible.

➡️And when you’re ready to shift back into the person you were always meant to be and live the life that aligns with what you truly want, check out my JUMPSTART course.