#SlowLeadershipMovement - Episode 1: Amy Hill, The Freedom Mentor

Tania Davies 0:01

Hello everyone and welcome. My name is Tania Davies. I'm the Success Slow Coach, speaker, trainer and therapist. Today I'm here with Amy Hill. Amy is the Freedom Mentor, sounds like an amazing title. Amy works in the space of domestic violence. Amy is a domestic violence survivor and is an amazing mentor in this space. Amy's sitting here with me today, because we're going to have a chat about the slow leadership movement. Amy can you tell us a little about your business and what kind of clients do you actually work with?

Amy Hill 0:34

Thank you, Tania, it's great to be here. I really appreciate you bringing me on here. So yes, I'm a domestic violence survivor mentor. And I'm a thought leader in this space, as well as a speaker and author. I have three programs that I offer in healing, mindset and empowerment. And I also offer group coaching as well.

Tania Davies 1:03

Excellent, great, obviously, both of us work in the headspace with everyone in this work that we do. And it's probably one of the reasons that you and I seem to get each other, because we both understand that when we're working in the mindset space, that's where the greatest change starts to happen. So here's a big question to start off. You're a successful businesswoman. In the space that you're working at, why do you think people actually struggle the most, with slowing down all the busyness in their lives?

Amy Hill 1:32

I think the main reason is why why they can't seem to slow down, is I think they're just avoiding or deflecting and the issue. So I find with myself and what I've seen with clients as well, that they're just avoiding something. And when they're, when they're avoiding that, then it's hard to slow down. They just create all of this busyness to avoid it.

Tania Davies 2:05

Yeah, it's become like a badge of honor nowadays. I'm so busy, isn't it?

Amy Hill 2:09

Yeah. It's probably one of the first things that I noticed when I asked my friends how are you doing. I'm so busy is their reaction.

Tania Davies 2:19

Yeah, that's right. Actually a great friend said once to me, actually, I'm really productive. And it had such a different resonance to it. I thought, yeah, she's onto it. She knows her mindset. So shout out to you, Erin. So I'm just wondering if you could actually share a time in your life when either the universe decided to slow you down. Let's put it that way. Because that's happened to me a few times, or you actually consciously chose to slow down and what did you learn from the experience?

Amy Hill 2:47

Yes, like you i've got quite a few examples. And probably the biggest one that I'd like to share is, before I started this business, I was actually a very successful senior executive manager at a commercial real estate agency. And I just opened up a profitable Pilates studio as well.

Tania Davies 3:18

I would like to say you had your hands full.

Amy Hill 3:22

I was Yeah, very busy and just going 100 miles an hour, very successful. And then all of a sudden, out of the blue. I wasn't expecting it, but I lost everything. So my business, my career, which is all due to my domestic violence experience. Yeah. So both of them just disappeared out of my life. And I was left heartbroken, confused, lost. And it led me to a space where I was forced to take time out of work, because I had no work. But then that also led me to starting this business. Which I find is a lot more rewarding. And when I started this business, and I was able to consciously create a work life balance.

Tania Davies 4:29

I like the use of the word conscious there.

Amy Hill 4:31

Yes, definitely. It is a very conscious process. Because I noticed that while I was working 150% and you know, I was working 80 hours a week. I wasn't seeing my kids. I wasn't seeing my friends or family. And I was completely out of balance.

Tania Davies 4:54

Yeah, so people that know me would know that I've come from that workaholic coma background. So what was your aha moment? Like when all that went down for you, when was that exact moment? Do you remember that you just realised something had to change?

Amy Hill 5:09

Well, it was probably over a period of time, a couple of weeks because I was in shock and it took a while for things to set in, and then for me to actually reflect back and find gratitude in my journey. And just know that everything happens for a reason and I often live by that phrase. Yeah, I did find the gratitude and I was able to, you know, then put my next foot forward and look into starting this business.

Tania Davies 5:54

So there's a lot of women out there, especially a lot of my clients that could also learn a lot from you in that space, too. I don't need to go into domestic violence too much here today, because there's a lot of great content out there. And if anyone needs to know more about domestic violence and what it entails, and of course, how to how to get through it, please contact Amy. I think Amy, a lot of my clients in particular, didn't even realize they were in the domestic violence space until somebody pointed it out to them.

Amy Hill 6:28

Absolutely, that's exactly what happens, like the majority of times. And it happened to me as well. I took my Ex to a psychologist for his alcoholic problems and the psychologist turned around and said, "You know, this is actually more than just alcohol issues here." "What are you talking about?" Yeah, I had no idea reflecting back, it's very obvious.

Tania Davies 6:59

Yeah but you don't know what you don't know.

Amy Hill 7:01

Exactly!

Tania Davies 7:02

And that's the beauty of having someone like yourself, or a coach and therapist, like myself, in that safe space to be able to hold you while you go through that realisation? Because of the shock to the system.

Amy Hill 7:14

Absolutely

Tania Davies 7:14

So what do you reckon your biggest learning was? You use the word gratitude a bit there. But what do you reckon your biggest learning was when you did slow down?

Amy Hill 7:21

My biggest learning was to create that work life balance, to ensure that I live by my values every day. And if I do that, then I'm coming from a more of a place where I'm more connected with myself. So I'm able to make decisions that are in line with my values. And therefore I find that if I do face a challenge, I just looked at my values and then I can say, you know which way to go and I'm not avoiding any situations. So I find that living by my values has really helped structure and it helps you feel more centered within yourself.

Tania Davies 8:18

I remember one of my last jobs in the corporate world. I, just like you, I didn't know until I realized one day that my boundaries were being crossed. And I was getting so upset, and so angry, even with myself for still being in that position, because one of my highest values is integrity and authenticity. And once that was crossed, and the trust was gone, that was it. I was done. But I was still going through the motions like busyness, busyness, and trying to be successful in that space. But just getting worse and worse, because every day my values were getting crossed.

Amy Hill 8:50

Yeah.

Tania Davies 8:50

And that's not about putting out any negative impact to the rest of the world. That was about me having some self reflection and realizing actually, the only way out of this is I need to remove myself from the situation. Just as in a domestic violence situation. You know, the the option is, you need help you need support to get out. So it wasn't like I could just leave the next day.

Amy Hill 9:12

Yeah, you really need to put a plan in place.

Tania Davies 9:15

Yep. Very much so. So what's the best advice you've ever received about actually slowing down?

Amy Hill 9:23

The best advice I've received besides living by my values, is to actually structure your day so that you know how efficient your day can be and your week can be. So I've actually got a schedule that's run by 15 minutes slots.

Tania Davies 9:49

I love it.

Amy Hill 9:51

So it's, it sounds like you know, a lot of management but I mean, it can be an hour slot. It's all about managing your time efficiently and my day starts at 5am and it'll finish by at 11pm. And I set my schedule on Monday, every week. So that will, that will do the whole week. So including the weekends as well. So I know exactly what I'm going to achieve during that week. And I can feel accomplished by knowing what I'm going to achieve, then a list of what I can achieve, what I want to achieve for the next week. And so on.

Tania Davies 10:35

In that slow space, Amy, how do you handle spontaneity? How does that come into it for you?

Amy Hill 10:40

It does, yes, there is a plan for that.

Tania Davies 10:48

So I hope there is the occasional bubble bath in there.

Amy Hill 10:51

Oh, yeah, I scheduled that too. With spontaneity I look for where it'll be the less impact. So I'm aware of, you know, if I don't have any appointments this afternoon, for example, then if somebody says that they came for a social catch up, yeah, sure. Let's do that. Yeah, whatever activities I had for this afternoon. I'll do them on the weekend when I did have some social time.

Tania Davies 11:25

Yeah its about balance and compromise, isn't it?

Amy Hill 11:28

Absolutely.

Tania Davies 11:30

And you gotta want it. I know so many people that, you know, give me a call because I want to work with me. And they're just not ready. You need to be right at the threshold of going, actually, I NEED to grab this and I do need to really want this to start making those changes.

Amy Hill 11:45

Absolutely.

Tania Davies 11:46

And slowing down is a massive part of that. Yeah, yeah. So many people are scared to slow down. So that kind of leads me to the next question. What is your biggest challenge? Now, having done all the work that you've still done in the slow space. What is still your biggest challenge to try and slow down?

Amy Hill 12:06

So my biggest challenge is actually focus and concentration.

Tania Davies 12:14

I think a few people listening would be able to, you know, atune with that.

Amy Hill 12:19

Yeah, definitely. Because I feel like, I've got the work life balance, going pretty well, like we've discussed, I'm able to pick up my daughter from school and make sure I do my meditation in the morning, yoga at lunchtime journaling in the evening. But the biggest challenge is actually focusing and concentrating on getting the things done in my schedule. So a way that I've found to try and overcome that is recently I've started putting my phone on silent. I just answer it when I choose to so I am not reactive. And likewise, with the social media notifications, I again, just choose to look at them when I'm able, whether that be once or twice a day, that is also in my schedule.

Tania Davies 13:14

Yes. You're a businesswoman and a successful one. And the reality is we all deal in the social media space nowadays. But that is an amazing strategy as one I use to all the notifications and all my social platforms are turned off. And I don't tend to spend too much time dabbling in that space. Because, look, at the end of the day, I work in mental health. And if you're going to spend a lot of your time hanging around in Facebook, for things that aren't productive, it's not going to be your mental health. You're only getting a very specific and jaded, highly polished view of most people's world.

Amy Hill 13:45

That's right. Yeah, yeah.

Tania Davies 13:47

And watch the fear of missing out start to build up when that's the case.

Amy Hill 13:51

Definitely, yeah, yeah.

Tania Davies 13:53

Okay. So how do you think a business can actually benefit when the leaders of an organization can actually slowly and consciously move their leadership towards a place that's far more impactful and mindful?

Amy Hill 14:10

Yeah, I think businesses can definitely benefit from this. I think they will they'll notice that there's a lot less chaos. So having an environment that actually removes the chaos, and creating an environment that is a lot more calm, allows people to actually feel like they want to be there. And if people actually want to be there, then they're going to be, you know, more efficient, they're going to want to work and actually put in more effort. I think creating an environment like that will be very beneficial for businesses.

Tania Davies 14:55

Yeah, look, the term psychological safety is going around a lot at the moment and it's an amazing concept because at the end of the day, towards the end of my corporate career, I didn't feel safe at work. Now, that wasn't a physical threat to me, it was a psychological threat. And if you know if I was brave enough at the time to have owned up to it, I probably would have brought that to management and we could have probably worked through some of that stuff. But you don't know what you don't know. So the more we talk about it, the better we can help people make these leaders understand that their job is for people to want to follow them and not just to drag them along, kicking and screaming.

Amy Hill 15:34

Absolutely create that conducive nurturing environment.

Tania Davies 15:38

Yeah. So Amy what would be your one take home message for people that are a bit too scared right now to even think about the idea of slowing down their world? Because you know, it can, like we've mentioned, both of us have mentioned that the universe has slapped us in the face multiple times to get us to slow down, and you know, I know the universe is always listening. So I've had enough of that. Thank you very much. I am slowing down. For those people that are out there just going actually, no, I can't slow down, it's a weakness. I'll get left behind you know. I have this fear of missing out. What would be your one take home message for those people.

Amy Hill 16:13

So I think in order to look at your life, and see where you can start to slow down and actually consider where that might be, and how you might be able to do that. So look at what does work life balance look like for you? And consider it in a realistic form. So how is it going to work and put it into your your schedule and making sure that it is achievable. Don't make it too hard for yourself, otherwise, you're not going to do it.

Tania Davies 16:53

Yeah, absolutely.

Amy Hill 16:54

You want to make it easy and even try and make it fun. Put things in that you enjoy that give you energy that don't drain your energy. So consider the what, the why, the how, and as well as that, consider that connection to yourself. If you've got that connection to yourself, then you'll be guided by your values in order to stick to the what, the why and the how.

Tania Davies 17:27

Beautifully said, well done.

Amy Hill 17:29

Thank you.

Tania Davies 17:30

I think there's, there's a lot of people out there, but that message is gonna hit home for. So Amy, I just want to actually do a few bit of a shout out to you. You are about to launch a book in three months from now. So around October ish.

Amy Hill 17:42

Yes, that's right. I'm very excited

Tania Davies 17:44

What is the name of the book?

Amy Hill 17:46

So my book is called My life on eggshells. .

Tania Davies 17:51

What are people gonna learn from reading this book?

Amy Hill 17:54

Yeah, it's about my domestic violence journey. So over a 10 year period. And the reason why I've written the book is so people can understand what's involved in a domestic violence journey. What does it look like? How do you get into it? How I you brainwashed, how do you feel like you can't escape? So there's lots of different angles in there. A lot of different forms. So there's physical, financial, psychological abuse, as well as narcissism and some key fun words like gaslighting and love bombing.

Tania Davies 18:36

I find that I hear those words quite a bit nowadays in my clinic.

Amy Hill 18:41

Yeah, definitely, I find that the people who are buying it are either other survivors, they can relate to my journey, as well as friends and family who actually just don't understand what their loved one has gone through or is going through.

Tania Davies 19:02

Absolutely. Look at somebody I haven't grown up in a domestic violence situation. But I have people very, very close to me, in my family that have and for me on the outside this kind of information is brilliant to understand somebody else's world. Yeah. I shouldn't use the word understand, because at no point Am I ever going to absolutely understand it. But I can certainly start to appreciate the things that can be triggered, what they have gone through, and how I can personally help hold a safe space for them in that scenario. So Amy, can people preorder your book?

Amy Hill 19:34

Yes, they can. I've launched the pre release now and which is really exciting. So there is a discount at the moment until the launch actually happens in person in October. So I've got a link for that.

Tania Davies 19:54

Right so what's your website so people can come and find out more.

Amy Hill 19:59

So my website is the www.thefreedommentor.com.au

Tania Davies 20:03

Beautiful. I will also put any of the links to Amy's social media and her book, etc. in the description and comments. So if you guys know someone that could really do with this book and also could absolutely benefit from working with Amy, please contact me and i'll put you in contact with Amy. Otherwise you can head to her website or social media platforms to find out how to work with her. Amy, thank you so much for your time today. It's been an absolutely pleasure really getting to know you a little bit more and allowing the people that are listening today and watching us, from all over the world, understand what it is that you do as the freedom mentor.

Amy Hill 20:40

Thank you very much. I really appreciate you having me on here.

Tania Davies 20:44

And thank you for joining me in the slow leadership movement.

Amy Hill 20:47

You're welcome. Thank you.

Tania Davies 20:48

Thank you