Our Son's Journey to a Cancer FREE Life!
Adrian had his last chemotherapy cycle ever on Friday. This has been a very long time coming.
There are no words to adequately describe the pain that I felt when my less than two year old son was diagnosed with a rare kidney cancer called Clear Cell Sarcoma of the Kidney (CCSK) back in February. My life turned upside down, and my whole family was devastated. We didn’t sleep much; instead, we worried — would Adrian survive? Would he be given the chance to grow up? Would this nightmare ever end? What did he do or we do to deserve this?
The pain didn’t go away by following the line of questioning “why me, why us?” The pain didn’t go away when I suppressed it. It didn’t go away when I stomped and screamed and fought and cried.
It didn’t go away when I bitched and moaned my situation, as if a victim in my own life with no control.
But I had the great privilege of experiencing tremendous love and support from health care workers. From family and friends. And even from total strangers. And I didn’t realize it at the time that I did it, but it turned out that hiring a coach for my business ended up transforming my life in a big way. I had read all the self-help books and really was working on myself and leveling up in life. But the one thing that shifted my perspective the most was my coach telling me to take 100% responsibility over my life. Even the things that would seem out of my control.
I learned to love that Adrian has cancer. Because I was living in a daydream before, complaining and worrying about stupid things that don’t matter in life. Putting my energy into all the wrong places. I was so ungrateful for the gift of life that was bestowed upon myself and my son. But now, I have learned to love that which seemed unloveable. I love that my son had cancer, because in this day and age with modern medicine, he had a fighting chance whereas he would not have 50 years ago when CCSK was first reported.
I learned to love that he had cancer, because now I find gratitude in just taking a breath and seeing him take one too. I learned to recognize that despite the fact that Adrian is the one fighting cancer, he is incredibly loving and joyful. And that loving awareness is something that cannot be diminished no matter how many times he was operated on, had an NG tube placed, had chemo, was admitted to the hospital, received blood product transfusions or antibiotics, and otherwise was poked and prodded.
And now I am so lucky to find this joy in my own life too. And I hope to share it with others. Life is too short to be nasty to other people. I’ve done my fair share of it and it didn’t make things better. Love makes things better. It connects us all. We’re not perfect. I’m definitely not perfect. I still get a little frustrated if some jerk cuts me off in traffic or the grocery line is long and people don’t know how to self check out. But I get a lot less flustered. And I catch myself sooner.
And I take a breath and remember that It’s all okay and I can find love, safety, and joy in every moment, regardless of my external circumstances. That this love I carry in my heart with me any time, any place, and is instantly available to me and accessible to me when I choose to remember. And I can bring this joy to little Adrian too. And to his mama. And to all of my family and friends and even to strangers. Even to people who may have wronged me or seem to have done bad things. We can all learn to love that which appears to be unlovable. I hope this brings you some joy and peace. Thank you for reading and coming along for our journey. We’re still not through with it all since adrian still had to recover from this last cycle of chemo, but we’re on a solid path with a bright future.
Much love and light to you
-Patrick
PS Thanks Daniel Del Real for throwing a cool party and giving Adrian a memorable end to his last day of chemo!
Our Son's Journey to a Cancer FREE Life!
Adrian had his last chemotherapy cycle ever on Friday.
This has been a very long time coming.
There are no words to adequately describe the pain that I felt when my less than two year old son was diagnosed with a rare kidney cancer called Clear Cell Sarcoma of the Kidney (CCSK) back in February. My life turned upside down, and my whole family was devastated. We didn’t sleep much; instead, we worried — would Adrian survive? Would he be given the chance to grow up? Would this nightmare ever end? What did he do or we do to deserve this?
The pain didn’t go away by following the line of questioning “why me, why us?” The pain didn’t go away when I suppressed it. It didn’t go away when I stomped and screamed and fought and cried.
It didn’t go away when I bitched and moaned my situation, as if a victim in my own life with no control.
But I had the great privilege of experiencing tremendous love and support from health care workers. From family and friends. And even from total strangers. And I didn’t realize it at the time that I did it, but it turned out that hiring a coach for my business ended up transforming my life in a big way. I had read all the self-help books and really was working on myself and leveling up in life. But the one thing that shifted my perspective the most was my coach telling me to take 100% responsibility over my life. Even the things that would seem out of my control.
I learned to love that Adrian has cancer. Because I was living in a daydream before, complaining and worrying about stupid things that don’t matter in life. Putting my energy into all the wrong places. I was so ungrateful for the gift of life that was bestowed upon myself and my son. But now, I have learned to love that which seemed unloveable. I love that my son had cancer, because in this day and age with modern medicine, he had a fighting chance whereas he would not have 50 years ago when CCSK was first reported.
I learned to love that he had cancer, because now I find gratitude in just taking a breath and seeing him take one too. I learned to recognize that despite the fact that Adrian is the one fighting cancer, he is incredibly loving and joyful. And that loving awareness is something that cannot be diminished no matter how many times he was operated on, had an NG tube placed, had chemo, was admitted to the hospital, received blood product transfusions or antibiotics, and otherwise was poked and prodded.
And now I am so lucky to find this joy in my own life too. And I hope to share it with others. Life is too short to be nasty to other people. I’ve done my fair share of it and it didn’t make things better. Love makes things better. It connects us all. We’re not perfect. I’m definitely not perfect. I still get a little frustrated if some jerk cuts me off in traffic or the grocery line is long and people don’t know how to self check out. But I get a lot less flustered. And I catch myself sooner.
And I take a breath and remember that It’s all okay and I can find love, safety, and joy in every moment, regardless of my external circumstances. That this love I carry in my heart with me any time, any place, and is instantly available to me and accessible to me when I choose to remember. And I can bring this joy to little Adrian too. And to his mama. And to all of my family and friends and even to strangers. Even to people who may have wronged me or seem to have done bad things. We can all learn to love that which appears to be unlovable. I hope this brings you some joy and peace. Thank you for reading and coming along for our journey. We’re still not through with it all since adrian still had to recover from this last cycle of chemo, but we’re on a solid path with a bright future.
Much love and light to you
-Patrick
PS Thanks Daniel Del Real for throwing a cool party and giving Adrian a memorable end to his last day of chemo!
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