Why She Gives You A Headbutt Instead of A Kiss
You thought things were going well, but then she, instead of kissing you, she gives you...
... the headbutt. What happened?
You know what I mean? You go in for the kiss and instead of her turning her cheek, she puts her head down so you end up head butting each other. I'm going to explain why this happens and what you can do so that she enthusiastically kisses you next time.
You NEED Something She Has, Instead of Wanting Her
Sounds weird right? The whole point of dating is to get something from the other person that you can't give yourself. Namely love, connection, sex, companionship. If she feels that you are seeking this from her because you have a hole in your life and you feel incomplete without it, she's going to feel that.
She's going to feel that instead of connecting with her as a person, you just want something to fill your inner emptiness.
You see, nobody can complete anybody else, and so if you're feeling needy, she's going to feel like you're draining her emotionally. Because that's exactly what you're doing. This is repulsive to people, especially women, because this shows a man who's not in control of his emotional state and it shows her that he can't be resourceful and generate self love or is lazy and unwilling to try.
This feels like a man running on autopilot. This is the opposite of a conscious and grounded man.
Women are like cats in that way. As soon as you need something from her she pulls back. But as long as you let her come to you in her own time and you don't need anything from her to complete you -suddenly you become interesting. You're giving her the space to connect with you instead of selfishly manipulating to get your needs being met.
If you ARE needy and you can tell that she's attracted to you and wants all your time and attention, there's a good chance you're with a woman who's MORE insecure than you are. To the insecure woman this feels like safety, but it's the safety of a codependent relationship. Trust me when I say that just because it's easy to date someone like this, it's going to hurt you in the long run.
She Needs to Feel Accepted For Who She IS
This is true for dating as much as it is in parenting.
If you don't provide a safe space without judgments then the woman (or the child) is going to use whatever emotional resources they have to defend themselves, instead of growing and connecting.
A conscious woman is going to see that there's some systemic problems with how you're approaching your life and she won't be receptive to your complaining, or judging, bragging, or demonstrating that you aren't an open, honest, and relaxed person.
That you don't take yourself too seriously.
Remember, relaxed humor only happens in the space of safety and comfort.
This is why people will laugh nervously after they say something. To try and get the other person to laugh with them. To gain the validation and acceptance of the other person. When you're having humor happening naturally you create a great safe space where connection can happen.
When you are in a calm and relaxed state and not trying to get anything from her, or judge her in any way, she can relax with you. That's when true genuine connection can happen between the two of you.
If you can't be calm and relaxed, one trick is to look at where you are judging yourself. You must be kind and accepting of yourself before you'll be calm and collected. Your relationship with yourself truly is your relationship with the feminine.
You Can't Just Go For The Kiss
Look. You can't go straight for the kiss if you haven't progressed things physically. You're going out of order and it's weird.
Now, I'm not saying you can never go out of order, but if you haven't mastered the fundamentals you can't understand when it's necessary to break the rules.
When you go out of order it is jarring and unnatural. To her she thinks to herself: "What is he doing? I'm not ready for this? How can he not be able to sense where I'm at?".
There needs to be a natural progression of physical intimacy.
There needs to be an (unsaid) progression, that she can wrap her mind around. So she can feel what is happening and emotionally prepare, and even better, anticipate what's coming next. She wants to be in a love story and she wants you to be able to feel her emotional state and "just know what to do".
So if you don't know just what to do, and you can't feel her emotional state, just remember that that's why you're watching this video.
Be Receptive Of Her Emotional State
A lot of guys feel they need to specifically ASK her if she wants to be kissed.
This SOUNDS good, especially these days with everyone being very politically correct and #metoo movement. The thing is, women only say this because they are accustomed to men not feeling her AT ALL.
She wants to FEEL that you are feeling her out properly. She wants to fall into the demonstration of your benevolent and loving leadership. But if you're asking her every step of the way, you're going to kill the tension and there will be no surprises OR anticipation, and you're essentially asking her to lead, and that's a turn off.
You'll literally destroy the moment by talking about it.
You need to be aware enough of her emotional state by watching her closely and feeling where she is. So that you can appropriately move things forward physically. If you can do this properly you won't encounter resistance because you'll be able to see where she's asking you to move forward, nonverbally.
If You Get The Headbutt ANYWAY
If she rebuffs you, if he doesn't want to be touched, or for you to hold her hand just remember that she's thinking, "I'm not ready."
Don't take it as a complete rejection.
More importantly, don't take it as an insult or offense.
You might not be able to kiss her or even hold her hand on the first date. That's OK, just feel her out and try. If she pulls away, that just means she's not ready.
When this happens, ACT NORMAL. Don't make a big deal about it, just go back to what you were doing and act like it's no big deal. Because it ISN'T! Remember, this is a learning process, so you're bound to make mistakes. It's better to push the envelope a little bit, to be a little bit bold, than to not go as far as she'd like you to.
Women are typically very patient with insecure men. They don't get turned off of him until he's consistently demonstrating that he doesn't know what to do and is chronically insecure.
There are so many insecure and timid men out there that women have been conditioned to tolerate A LOT of insecurity from men. This actually works in your favor. As long as you're able to be consciously aware of your actions, she'll see that you have some awareness of her and control over your emotions, even if you're not perfect.
What Not To Do When Physically Escalating
Do NOT under any circumstance try to FORCE anything.
I've heard horror stories of pickup artist coaches giving some real fucked up advice out there, so let me repeat.
We do not force ourselves on anyone.
She has to come to you in her own time. Romance is a process of you expressing your desire and her opening and being receptive to you. When you connect with her she will find value in you in her own way.
This is why bragging never works. You're trying to demonstrate your value in your own way. NO, she has to find your value in her own way. It doesn't matter what you say. Women are smart. This is also why it's dumb to try to be different than you are as I talk about in other videos.
If she resists, back off. You've misread the situation and that's OK. She's not ready. You can just try again later. You don't need to push it. If you push it too hard, you'll never hear from her again.
You might get that kiss, but if it wasn't fully genuine, if she didn't really want it, you'll never hear from her again.
Sometimes women resist to see if you're safe, if you'll respect where she is at, even if she really wants things to go further.
There is no reason to push it further.
Sex isn't the goal. It is a natural symptom of genuine attraction and connection.
If you make sex your goal, you're going to be disappointed. Your goal is to connect genuinely with the woman in front of you.
If you keep that mindset, you won't have much trouble gauging where she is at and what you need to do to leads things forward and have a natural progression, and paradoxically, you end up having a lot more sexy times.
Your Turn
We talk about this in even greater detail in the MOAB-coaching program. If this sounds like something you'd be interested in, click here to watch the free introductory video. Usually just that is enough to change women's perception of you.
Afterwards you'll have the opportunity to schedule a call with us and join the coaching program.
Remember to stay unapologetically you.
-Ed
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Specializing in helping men get back on their feet after a divorce, Ed Baxter has helped hundreds of divorced men through Genuine Attraction over the last 4 years.
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