How To Text Her So She Won’t Stand You Up!
Texting was going so great, but then she ghosted. What happened?
Stop Talking Her Out Of Liking You
You've just got a match on Tinder, or maybe you got her number in person, and immediately she starts texting you. You text back and forth and you begin to think, "This is going GREAT! We have so much in common." You keep texting back and forth all week hoping for a date to happen.
When you go and say, "Hey we should meet up this weekend." She says, "Well things are super hectic this weekend, but we can hang out sometime."
Afterwards, the texting gets less and less frequent and she's taking longer and longer to respond to you. You're wondering, "What went wrong? I thought things were going really well!" So you send another text to see what's up and she never responds. Well if this has ever happened to you, I'm going to explain exactly why texting and talking too much in the beginning really hurts your chances for it going further or ever meeting her in person.
5 Elements of an Unbeatable Text Game
Men are REALLY great at talking women out of liking them. Most women truly like most men in the beginning, but he never gets to see that because he talks too damn much and doesn't let her come to him in her own time. So here are a few points to keep in mind if you really want things to move forwards consistently with the women you are meeting.
Element 1: Romance happens IN PERSON
You see, everyone is so obsessed with texting that they forget that you CAN'T have a romantic relationship over the phone. You'll find TONS of videos online about how to generate attraction through texting. Think about it, how are you actually going to romance her in this way? Are you expecting to get her so excited that she'll jump into your arm and kiss you at the first sight of you? Do you think that's really going to happen?
I'm here to tell you that it is IMPOSSIBLE to romance her over text.
What's going to happen is you'll have this amazing, sexy, texting conversation and then when she meets you in person, the energy will be different. Because she needs to FEEL you in person to get a sense of you and your energy. You gotta realize that a lot of people are different on the phone then they are in person.
So she needs to be able to validate that what she saw in texting is true in person.
She may say to herself, "Oh things are going really well." But when you meet in person you're going to have a different scenario. Texting and talking on the phone is for getting dates ONLY, gentlemen! Don't waste your time trying to romance her and try to sound clever over text.
Not one person has ever held hands or kissed a woman over a text message. And no emotes don't count!
Romance happens in person, which brings up my second point.
Element 2: What happens on the phone doesn't count in real life
You see a phone is a safe place for her to have fun with you.
There's no real danger that she could go too far with you and it allows her the opportunity to not respond at all or put together the perfect text. To put on a show, that might not match reality. And you're doing the same thing!
That's the real kicker. What happens on the phone doesn't happen in real life. She can't feel your energy, feel your body language or the tonality of your voice, she can't feel the real you, and so whatever relationship you might think you have remains in the fantasy world. There's too much physical distance and a lot of fake digital closeness.
Just because she's really fun in texting conversation doesn't mean shit in real life.
I can't count the number of times I've had a great connection with a woman through text only for it to be totally different in person. You don't want to get into a situation where you've both built up this fantasy of the other person and then have it all come crashing down once you meet them in real life.
And it's not really your fault or hers, except for YOU not controlling yourself and allowing the texting to happen all the damn time.
I've literally had amazing conversations about deep topics and then on the date it's like, "Oh hey remember talking about meditation?" and she's like, "Uh yeah..." Those moments only exist on the phone.
Again, what happens on the phone doesn't count in real life. When you meet for the first time you're starting at close to zero.
Element 3: If you're texting her constantly, she can't wonder about you
If she can't wonder about you, she won't be able to fantasize about how great you are.
This works against you when you're constantly texting her. It dissipates the anticipation of actually meeting you. It makes things TOO comfortable in the beginning. And comfort is where friends live.
There needs to be some mystery about you. Not a lot of mystery, but some. Think of it as the pepper in the salad.
Women like a mystery and they like the challenge of distracting a high-value guy from his purpose in life. They want to get lost in the romantic fantasy. She really only needs to know that she's probably going to have a great time with you and you're not physically dangerous to meet you in person.
You see...she wants to pull information about you slowly over time.
If a woman is interested in you, she wants to know ALL about you, and she'll watch you VERY closely to figure out what kind of man you are. She's looking at your actions way more than what you are saying, and if you're constantly texting her all the time, you take this mystery away from her and it becomes less interesting before she gets a chance to become emotionally invested in you. By texting her all the time you're letting her know ALL ABOUT YOU way too fast.
You're spoiling the movie for her so to speak.
You kill the tension, and so it's not that exciting anymore. You become a friend, instead of a mysterious lover.
Her imagination works in your favor, so don't fight against that by telling her everything.
Element 4: If you're texting her constantly, she'll know you got nothing going on in your life
You see, what you DO is way more important than what you're saying.
If you're responding to her texts constantly and immediately then it gives off the impression that you have nothing going on with your life except to text her.
Don't make yourself WAY TOO AVAILABLE to someone you barely know. You might be thinking that it's a good thing that you're responsive because you don't want her to feel like she's being ignored and rejected.
But women don't think that way. Men do.
That's not how she works. She needs to FEEL that you've got important things going on and you're not so damn concerned about her feelings. Because you hardly know each other! Remember point #1? Romance and getting to know her happens IN PERSON.
I know that you want to demonstrate that you're a nice guy, but she needs to FEEL that you have the strength to resist her if necessary and that you have things going on in your life.
That just because this new woman shows up you're not going to drop everything you're doing just to have a chance to be with her. When you respond and text her constantly it feels like you've already committed to her. If you're too accommodating or available to her, she will feel that if she wanted she could take advantage of that she could... and many women do.
Why would you be already sold on someone you barely know?! When you're constantly texting her immediately and not showing that you have more important things going on in your life than texting attractive acquaintance all day, which is really all she is at this point, you're putting her on a pedestal.
She doesn't want this, she wants to feel that you are at least on her level, and preferably SLIGHTLY above. Because everyone wants to date up, but not so far up that they feel like they'll lose the person at any moment.
And the final point on texting constantly: If she can feel that you need to be constantly validated - that she needs to demonstrate constantly that she still likes you - it feels emotionally draining and repulsive to her.
This shows her how insecure you are. Just assume she likes you, and ignore your insecurities.
Element 5: The phone is for getting dates only
I know you're excited to be getting some attention from her and you love that she seems to be into you, but if you spend all your time texting her you're not dating her, you literally only have a phone buddy.
If you're texting her, you're not romancing her.
There are a lot of things that can go wrong with texting her constantly. Like saying something stupid when you're trying to be funny, dissipating any anticipation that she might have, and destroying her ability to let her imagination or her friends convince her to go out with you.
You don't need to show a million reasons WHY she should go on a date with you.
It's best to use the phone only to get dates quickly.
The phone only needs to be used as a tool to set up a date. This prevents you from doing something dopey and allows her the space to get to think about you and come to you in her own time. If you remember that what happens on the phone doesn't count in person, then you have a much better chance of her showing up on the date and allowing her to feel your energy and not be surprised when your texting personality doesn't match your real self.
Allow her the space to come to you in her own time.
Your Turn
If you want to learn exactly HOW you should be texting and what you should be doing right now to maximize your chances of getting her off the phone, start by watching this free video.
Afterwards you have the opportunity to schedule a call with us to join the MOAB-coaching program so you can drop your shyness and confusion and find your perfect partner.
Remember to stay unapologetically YOU!
-Ed
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About the author
Specializing in helping men get back on their feet after a divorce, Ed Baxter has helped hundreds of divorced men through Genuine Attraction over the last 4 years.
Ed Baxter
© 2022 Genuine Attraction LLC. All rights reserved
© 2022 Genuine Attraction LLC. All rights reserved