Stop Carrying What Isn’t Yours
This week, I want to talk about the thing most people picture when they hear the word boundaries:
That toxic person.
And before we go any further, let me say this again:
We’re all just people, doing the best we can with what we have, at this moment in time.
Now—I can already hear some of you saying,
“But you don’t understand. This person is awful. They are truly toxic.”
And honestly? In some cases… I might agree.
But here’s where energetic boundaries become incredibly freeing:
It doesn’t actually matter what the other person is doing.
What matters is where your energy goes—and what you’re unknowingly taking on.
Stay with me.
I had a client with a… let’s call it prickly relationship with her mom.
She felt judged. Criticized. Never quite “right.”
And here’s the tricky part: even when her mom didn’t say anything, my client could feel the disapproval—about her choices, her life, her decisions. All of it.
Her mom was also dealing with some health challenges, so they were spending a lot more time together.
Cue the role of Dutiful Daughter.
By the end of each visit, my client was exhausted, tense, and quietly questioning herself.
Nothing dramatic had happened.
No big blow-ups.
Just that familiar heaviness she couldn’t shake.
The work wasn’t about changing her mom.
It was about noticing what my client was absorbing.
She realized she was:
bracing herself before visits
scanning for disappointment
carrying emotions that weren’t actually hers
Once she learned to keep her energy with herself—instead of reaching, defending, or internalizing—everything shifted.
Same mom.
Same circumstances.
Very different experience.
Here’s the deal:
You don’t need someone else to behave differently for you to feel better.
You just need to stop taking responsibility for energy, emotions, and judgments that don’t belong to you.
That’s what healthy boundaries really are.
Not walls.
Not ultimatums.
Just clarity about what’s yours—and what isn’t.
And that kind of boundary?
It changes everything.
