What Inbox Overwhelm Taught Me About Boundaries

My email inbox.

This week I’m here to share one of my Big, Messy Boundaries. Full disclosure—I still kinda stink at it. For now. It’s a work in progress. And I’ve been stalling.

It’s overtaking me like weeds in a garden you didn’t get to for a week.

This has been building for years, quite frankly. I’ve made progress at times, and then life happens. And if I can’t be away for more than a day or two without the emails multiplying like rabbits… then I don’t really have it under control. Right?

I’m not going to tell you how many emails are currently sitting there, but it’s somewhere between 2,000 and 4,000. Gasp. I know. It’s gotten serious. I can feel the knot in my stomach as I write this.

What’s going on here?

Oh yes… a boundary issue.

I have major guilt when I unsubscribe from lists of people I like, or may need information from someday. Or when I want to support a friend, family member, colleague, past coach, future coach, present coach, mentor, healer, educator, brilliant person who “has it all figured out,” or someone who simply makes me laugh.

I’m sure that’s not even the full list. Gulp.

But this Swiss cheese boundary is seriously stressing me out. It weighs on me. I’ve missed important messages. I can’t find things when I need them.

It’s just not working anymore.

The inbox had crept up to about 2,000 just before the holidays. You can imagine how that went a month later when I actually looked at it and nearly fainted.

After that… I think I started avoiding it.

And avoidance is waaay down on my list of PQ saboteurs, so that tells you how bad it’s gotten. (If you’re curious about your own saboteurs, you can explore them here: https://positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/)

So far I’ve tried EFT, hypnosis, journaling, time-blocking, rewards, and even trying to “make myself” (yeah, right) start deleting and unsubscribing. I do make dents here and there.

But here’s the realization this inbox journey handed me:

I’m choosing obligation and loyalty over what actually works for me.

Forehead slap.

I’m choosing what I think is good for someone else over what IS good for me. And that’s pretty much the definition of a porous boundary.

So what am I going to do?

First: stop what’s coming in. Just like with physical clutter, if you don’t stop the inflow, you’ll never get ahead.

Second: start getting off the lists. Even writing that makes my chest feel a little heavy.

Third: delete, delete, delete—without reading about the “Top 10 Books of Last Summer,” someone’s brilliant November offer, or my Amazon confirmation from Christmas.

Because right now my inbox isn’t a communication tool anymore… it’s a digital junk drawer.

The biggest feeling that comes up is this: I’m betraying fellow entrepreneurs.

Because I do want to support them. I care about them and their success. I want them to feel good about their businesses.

But do I want that at the expense of my sanity?

If pushed, I’d have to say no.

Would they understand? Could I reach out to everyone and explain why I’m leaving their list?

I could.

But why do I feel like I need to?

A healthy boundary doesn’t require explanation or justification.

So yes… I think I’m about to start clicking unsubscribe like a woman on a mission.

Thank you. Goodbye. With love.

Maybe we’ll connect another day. Or in another way.

Here I go.

Wish me luck.

We’re all in this together.