What Clutter Really Is (and Why It’s So Hard to Let Go)
Spring has sprung here in the Northern Hemisphere, and many of us are feeling that natural tug to clear out, lighten up, and declutter.
I’ve always known that I have a, um, complicated relationship with my things (whether they’re eventually deemed “clutter” or not). And I’ve had many conversations with others who feel the same way.
So I thought we could spend a few weeks exploring our Clutter Boundaries.
Firstly, what is clutter, anyway?
Dictionary.com says:
a disorderly heap or assemblage; litter
a state or condition of confusion
confused noise; clatter
(Blech. Even reading that feels heavy. No wonder we feel bad about ourselves before we even start the Pomodoro timer.)
Secondly, how do you know if something is clutter?
You’ve heard the saying, “One person’s trash is another person’s treasure,” right? So… who gets to decide?
Is clutter defined by your upbringing?
Your personality?
Your phase of life (hello, exploring toddlers and new puppies)?
Your well-meaning but slightly judgy neighbor?
Or… something else entirely?
Thirdly, what areas of life can clutter apply to?
Well, pretty much all of them.
Clutter can be anything that’s no longer benefiting you—or that’s quietly getting in the way of what you actually want.
It can be physical (items, “stuff,” even symptoms in your body),
mental (old stories, self-critical thoughts, the conversations you still wish had gone differently --three days later),
and emotional (bottled rage, unprocessed grief, that low-level worry you keep pushing down so you can “just get on with it”).
Recently, I heard someone say that everyone has a different threshold for clutter—and that really clicked for me.
Because at the end of the day, it comes down to how you feel.
How something is impacting your health and well-being.
How it’s affecting the joy in your life.
So what’s really going on here? And why can it feel so impossible to let go?
It all comes back to your Central Nervous System, my friends.
That “how you feel” piece? That’s about how safe you feel in the moment you’re deciding whether to keep something, release it, or move it along (to your actual dumpster… or a more metaphorical one).
And here’s the tricky part: sometimes we feel perfectly fine about what we own, think, or feel… until someone else makes a comment.
A little snark. A little judgment. A raising of one eyebrow.
And suddenly, we’re seeing our entire life through their lens.
And it doesn’t feel so good anymore.
So we make ourselves—and our choices—wrong.
As with all boundaries, if we don’t feel safe (or supported), we’re not going to be able to let go of “the thing.”
Whether that’s the items, the thoughts, or the feelings.
If you’re still holding on—and part of you doesn’t want to—there’s likely an emotion (or two… or seventeen) that hasn’t had enough airtime yet.
I invite you to notice this week…
What feels heavy, even if it “shouldn’t”?
What do you keep moving around instead of actually deciding about?
What do you suddenly feel unsure about after someone else’s opinion enters the room?
Once you identify something that may be clutter, take a few moments and feel into what emotion might be underneath, that you may be avoiding? Without judgement, see if you can allow that feeling to pop up for just one moment while you breathe. Then give yourself a hug for being really brave! We always have a really good ‘reason’ for shoving this stuff down, so it can feel scary to give it the time of day. Any willingness to notice is pure courage.
Awareness is where your boundaries start to come back online.
And from a place of a little more safety, you get to choose, from a more empowered place, what stays… and what gets to go.
Be brave! I’m cheering you on.
