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Modern Divorce Solutions - Specialist Family Lawyers Present: FACING A SEPARATION AND DON’T KNOW WHERE TO TURN?
Written By Andrew Corish
5 May 2025
I understand. Going through a marriage or de facto relationship breakup can be incredibly confusing and stressful. Important decisions need to be made, and the future happiness and welfare of you and any dependent children hang in the balance. Making the wrong choices can significantly impact your financial and psychological well-being.
That's why I recommend a Smart Separation. My Nine-Step Program, the Smart Separation System, is designed to help you achieve a successful separation. It is suitable to complex disputes as well as the more straightforward matters.
Step 1: Get free initial advice and assessment of your situation from an experienced family lawyer you can trust. I am passionate and dedicated to resolving problems and assisting you in reaching the best possible resolution. If you subsequently decide to proceed, we both sign a Mutual Commitments and Costs Agreement, outlining what you and I will do and the costs involved at each step. You’re not locked in and can end the arrangement at any time.
I commit to using my expertise and experience to help you negotiate a wise agreement quickly, efficiently, and cost-effectively, usually through Consent Orders filed at the Court. Our clear 9-Step System guides you through this process. You commit to working together with me, making an initial payment, and further affordable payments at each of the 8 remaining stages until you reach a successful conclusion. Once you sign up, you receive a free comprehensive Guide explaining and outlining the 9-Step System to success.
I will outline the other 8 Steps as to how to have a Smart Separation on my website and future articles.
If you are interested in avoiding the many traps and pitfalls in family law and ensuring you have the right parenting arrangements in place, get in touch today!
“Getting to Yes”: The Key to Successful Property Settlements
Written By Andrew Corish
18 April 2025
When it comes to family law property settlements, the key to success is “Getting to Yes”. This was the title of a book which emerged 34 years ago from the Harvard University. The principles outlined in this book show the best way to come to a good agreement following a separation and remain highly relevant, especially to people involved in a family law dispute.
Choosing Your Negotiation Style
Most people approach disputes with a mindset of "positional bargaining." This involves each side taking a position, arguing for it, and making concessions to reach a compromise. While this method can sometimes work, it often falls short. It is lazy and tends to increase costs and exacerbate the dispute.
A successful dispute resolution process should meet three criteria: it should produce a wise agreement, if possible, be efficient, and improve or at least not damage the relationships between the parties.
In family law disputes, there's a tendency to adopt a “hard positional bargaining style”. This involves starting with an extreme stance, stubbornly holding to it, and making small concessions only as necessary. This approach turns negotiations into a contest of wills and often is a drawn out inefficient and very expensive process. On the other hand, adopting a “soft positional bargaining style”, where you see the other side as friends and make concessions to avoid confrontation, is no better or even worse. It can lead to quicker agreements but rarely good ones. It leaves you vulnerable to exploitation by a hard bargainer.
The Answer: Principled Negotiation
The solution is not to choose between hard or soft positional bargaining but to “change the game” entirely. The answer lies in adopting a "principled negotiation". This approach has five key elements:
People: Separate the people from the problem. Be hard on the problems by all means. But always soft and empathetic to the people.
Interests: Focus on interests, not positions. Instead of taking rigid positions, think about the underlying interests. So, in family law property settlement, this includes the interests in housing people and children, the interest of having a good retirement, the interest of having financial security.
Options: Before deciding on a course of action, brainstorm multiple options that could benefit both parties.
Criteria: Insist that the result be based on some objective standard. In family law property settlement, this is the likely result if the matter were to be determined by the Court. This helps to ground the negotiation in reality and fairness.
Know your BATNA: it is important in any negotiation to know and keep in mind the “best alternative to a negotiated agreement”. In family law, if you can’t come to a property settlement, you will then be likely to attend Mediation to try to resolve it. Know what this entails and the expense. If it can’t be resolved there, it is then likely that one party will commence litigation in the Court. Know what that involves and the cost and how to go about it.
What Do You Really Want in Your Property Settlement?
So, this is the key to family law success, particularly for property settlements. Don’t be afraid of problems and conflict. It is necessary to reach a good resolution. But go about it in the right way. Adopt a good negotiation platform. By doing this, you can achieve a Smart Separation, leading to the best possible resolution and a great settlement.
If you are interested in avoiding the many traps and pitfalls in family law and ensuring you have the right parenting arrangements in place, get in touch today!
"Don’t Get Mad, Get Everything" – The Ivana Trump Approach to Divorce
Written By Andrew Corish
1 April 2025
Featured photo from ABC News
In the 1996 movie "First Wives Club," Ivana Trump makes a memorable cameo, delivering the iconic line:
"Ladies, you have to be strong and independent, and remember, don't get mad, get everything”.
An admirable ambition for women in divorce you might think? Particularly for those who have been abused, exploited and then dumped by an economically stronger former partner? Get some revenge, recompense and recognition?
She certainly had something to complain about. Ivana Trump, born Ivana Marie Zelníčková in the then Czechoslovakia, was a model prior to meeting and marrying Donald Trump in 1977. Together, they had three children: Donald Jr., Ivanka, and Eric. Ivana played a significant role in Donald Trump's business empire, holding positions such as Vice President of Interior Design and managing the Plaza Hotel. Their marriage ended in a highly publicized divorce in 1990, superficially primarily due to Donald Trump's affairs. However, likely of more significance was his violence towards her. She accused him of rape and other incidents, such as allegedly pulling out clumps of her hair during a confrontation.
Her ambitious divorce objectives in the subsequent financial settlement apparently were successful in obtaining a favourable settlement, after a long expensive court case, which included $14 million, a mansion in Connecticut, an apartment in Trump Plaza, and $650,000 annually for child support.
So, good on her. But what do you take from this?
Well, the first thing is how could such a man now be in the position of being the most powerful person in the world? USA has a lot to answer for.
Secondly, it shows the only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them.
So whilst this is true, I do warn anyone involved in a difficult divorce or separation, be very careful about adopting Ivana Trump mantra.
Taking an aggressive, unreasonable attitude into the divorce process and seeking a punitive financial settlement against someone who has treated you badly, rarely works and is generally a recipe for disaster. It is terrific for lawyers to be involved in complex court proceedings. But often has a disastrous effect on the emotional and financial welfare of the parties, and particularly any children involved.
Far better to adopt a principled negotiation position and seek a fair property and financial settlement in accordance with your legal rights, entitlements and obligations and as quickly, efficiently and cost effectively as possible. Obtaining such a settlement and moving on successfully with your life, if often the best revenge.
If you are interested in avoiding the many traps and pitfalls in family law and ensuring you have the right parenting arrangements in place, get in touch today!
The One Secret Ingredient to a Really Successful Divorce
Written By Andrew Corish
14 July 2024
Australia’s leading social psychologist and commentator, Hugh Mackay, has a new book titled The Way We Are: Lessons from a Lifetime of Listening. In it, Mackay highlights research suggesting that what truly made us homosapiens successful as a species is somewhat ironically, our vulnerabilities and our ability to be kind and compassionate to each other.
Mackay argues that kindness, cooperation, and compassion are in fact our natural states. While it's easy for individuals and societies to deviate and engage in unkind activities, such as wars and prejudice, there is a better way. He concludes in the chapter titled "The Survival of the Kindest": “No one can guarantee that a life lived for others will bring you a deep sense of satisfaction. But it is certain that nothing else will.”
Kindness is a challenging concept for those facing separation or divorce. However, after 40 years as a family lawyer, I can assure you that adopting an attitude of kindness and cooperation leads to the best possible resolutions. It's tempting to adopt an adversarial approach, especially when hurt and bad behaviour is involved. Lawyers are ready to assist in these adversarial battles, but such a path often comes at a high emotional and financial cost—to you, your children, and everyone involved.
There is a better way. Many lawyers can attest that clients who choose fairness, cooperation, and kindness end up with the best outcomes. Choose kindness, and you'll find success in your divorce journey.
If you are interested in avoiding the many traps and pitfalls in family law and ensuring you have the right parenting arrangements in place, get in touch today!
🌟 The First Secret to Separation Success 🌟
Written By Andrew Corish
29 March 2024
If you are going through a Marriage or Relationship Separation, it may be your first major break-up and you don’t know what to do or who to turn to. In my 32 years practising exclusively as a family law specialist lawyer, I have observed close hand many thousands of separations. I have seen who succeeds and who has a dreadful time. These are the six magic ingredients most likely to lead to a good result. This is secret #1.
Secret #1: Control your negative emotions.
This can be really difficult. People often end relationships with a great deal of anger and resentment. It may seem natural to continue these emotions into the separation process. You are often encouraged to do so by family members and friends. There is an army of lawyers out there ready to assist you take an aggressive, argumentative and distrustful approach towards the other party and into the negotiation process if you want to do so. This may seem quite satisfying at first. To have someone insult and belittle your former partner on your behalf and make his/her life more difficult.
But there are three major factors why you should not do this.
Firstly, it is likely to Cost you a Great Deal. Is that where you want to spend a significant proportion of your hard-won assets, on lawyers’ fees and court costs? These rise exponentially as the dispute worsens, particularly if you take it to court. Do you really want to do this, rather than spend it on yourself and your family? Your lawyers will be grateful if you lose perspective and spend an inordinate amount of money in a vendetta against the other party. But you are unlikely to feel happy about it.
Secondly, taking an aggressive approach is likely to cause terrible damage to a lot of people. It is usually disastrous for the welfare of any children involved, if they witness such anger and aggression and particularly if they become involved in it. It can cause a lot of unhappiness for the other party. Is that really what you want? Also it is likely to have a detrimental effect on your own welfare, and cause depression and anxiety, if you are involved in a long-running, unpleasant, bitter dispute.
The Third Factor is that it usually doesn’t work. It tends to cause the other party to act in an equally bad or worse way towards you. Anger and aggression rarely lead to a good solution.
So that is the First Secret Ingredient to a Successful Separation. If you want one, control your negative emotions and don’t bring them to the table.
If you are interested in avoiding the many traps and pitfalls in family law and ensuring you have the right parenting arrangements in place, get in touch today!
Celebrating Father's Day
2 Sept 2023
Written By Andrew Corish
Father's Day is a poignant reminder of the vital role fathers play in the lives of their children, even after the complexities of a breakup. It's a day that can serve as a beacon of hope, urging separated parents to come together in the spirit of kindness, empathy, and understanding. While the end of a relationship might have brought differences to the forefront, it is crucial to remember that children thrive in an environment where both parents are actively involved in their lives.
This Father's Day, let's emphasise the importance of reconciliation and compassion. It's an opportunity for both parents to set aside personal grievances and focus on what truly matters: the well-being and happiness of their children. By putting their needs first, parents can provide the invaluable gift of knowing and loving both sides of their heritage.
Reconciliation doesn't mean erasing the past, but rather, acknowledging mistakes, forgiving, and embracing the shared responsibility of co-parenting. Both parents need to commit to working together harmoniously, fostering an environment that encourages open communication and mutual respect. This requires a willingness to listen and consider each other's perspectives, creating a safe space for the children to witness their parents collaborating positively.
The path to reconciliation might not be easy, but the rewards are immeasurable.
As children witness their parents putting aside differences for their sake, they learn the importance of empathy and compromise. This Father's Day, let's celebrate not just the individual fathers, but the potential for united families that prioritise the emotional and psychological well-being of their children. By fostering kindness, compassion, and reconciliation, we honour the true essence of fatherhood, building a foundation of love that lasts a lifetime.
If you are interested in avoiding the many traps and pitfalls in family law and ensuring you have the right parenting arrangements in place, get in touch today!
3 Key Issues Why People End Up In Court
September 28 by Andrew Corish
As couples navigate the complexities of life together, they often encounter stumbling blocks that, if left unaddressed, can lead them down the path to separation and finally divorce. Understanding the underlying factors that can contribute to the dissolution of marriages and negatively influence the separation or divorce process is crucial in preventing an expensive date with the courtroom.
Here are the three key issues that my clients have regretted:
Unresolved Emotional Baggage: Following a separation, individuals often carry a range of emotions such as anger, sadness, and betrayal. If these emotions are not properly addressed and processed, they can contribute to impulsive decision-making and an aggressive approach. When people bring unresolved emotional baggage enter the dispute resolution process, it can lead to irrational behaviour, contentious arguments, and a desire for revenge, which may not align with their long-term best interests. The dispute can escalate and they can end up in court. Regret can set in when they realise that their emotional reactions influenced decisions that have lasting consequences.
Lack of Clear Boundaries: Setting clear boundaries after a separation is crucial to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. However, if ex-partners fail to establish boundaries related to communication, finances, and co-parenting, it can lead to ongoing disputes and disagreements. These unresolved conflicts may eventually escalate to the point where the matter ends up in court. People may regret not addressing these issues through mediation or negotiation outside of court, as the over-competitive nature of litigation can exacerbate tensions and strain relationships further.
Short-Term Thinking: Divorce and separation often involve complex financial, property, and parenting matters that require careful consideration for the long term. Unfortunately, some individuals prioritise short-term gains or victories in court without fully evaluating the potential consequences down the road. For example, pursuing aggressive tactics to secure a larger share of assets might seem appealing in the moment, but it could lead to financial instability later on. Similarly, using children as bargaining chips parenting battles can strain parent/child relationships in the future. When people reflect on these decisions with hindsight, they might regret not taking a more pragmatic and forward-thinking approach.
My clients have found that these three key issues can result in regret when individuals realise that their emotional reactions, failure to establish healthy boundaries, and focus on short-term gains may have negatively impacted their well-being, relationships, and financial stability in the long run.
If you’re looking for a way to protect your emotional health and expensive court fees, our “Lawfully Uncoupling Program” has been designed for you. You can read more about our ground-breaking online program here.
Worried About Parenting Arrangements?
Febuary 1, 2023 - Andrew Corish
If you are going through separation and have children, then their future parenting arrangements are likely to be a big issue. You need to resolve issues of their care, accommodation and financial support and what time they will spend with each of you.
This can be a major challenge. Particularly if the children are little or have special needs. Or if there has been violence or major conflict. Or if there are issues of the capacity of one parent to care for the children. There are a myriad of problems which can arise.
However, most parents are able to navigate and resolve parenting issues successfully. Parents love their children and want what is best for them and are prepared to make the arrangements and sacrifices to ensure this happens. They recognise children need to have a close relationship and spend significant time with the other parent, and they support the children’s close relationship with the other parent, regardless of their own personal feelings, (except if there are exceptional factors relating to safety).
What is vital, is for parents to come to their own agreements as to parenting arrangements. They need to keep children out of disputes, whilst sensitively taking into account the child’s own views. They do what is best for their children’s welfare and would never use the children for their personal advantage in family law proceedings. Parents know what is best for their children and the courts will support whatever decision they come to.
There are good resources to assist parents come to parenting agreements. There are the many government-funded Family Relationship Centres and many private child experts and family dispute resolution practitioners. But getting good legal advice and assistance at an early stage is extremely helpful.
It is important for parents to come to agreements as to parenting issues as quickly, effectively and inexpensively as possible. Then enter into binding Consent Orders filed on the court portal or enter into their own personal promises and commitments contained in a Parenting Agreement. It is vital to stay out of court, if at all possible. The Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia is there to assist if need be. But it should be the last resort. It is far better to come to a parenting agreement yourself with the other parent, if you possibly can.
So, what are some of the important things to consider, when coming to a parenting agreement?
They are conveniently summarised in Part 7 of the Family Law Act from sections 60 to 70. But there are 7 major stepping stones on the pathway for parents to come to a suitable parenting agreement. These can be summarised as follows.
Parents must do what is in the child’s best interests (section 60CA). That is the paramount consideration. It is not necessarily what is fair or convenient.
Consider the principles and objectives as set out in section 60A. This includes ensuring that children have the benefit of both their parents having a meaningful involvement in their lives to the maximum extent consistent with the best interests of the child. Children should be protected from violence, abuse and neglect. Parents should jointly share duties and responsibilities and come to agreements about future parenting. Children have a right to enjoy their culture and that of their parents.
In considering the child’s best interests, there are two primary considerations in 60CC (2). The first is the benefit of the child having a meaningful relationship with both parents. The second is protecting the child from violence, neglect and abuse. If there is a conflict, the latter considerations prevail.
There are 15 additional considerations in 60CC (3) to take into account including the child’s own views and other practical considerations.
The presumption in 61DA that the parents having equal responsibility for making major decisions as to the child’s welfare, in the absence of violence.
If so, in 60DAA, the courts must consider the child spending equal time with each parent if this is reasonably practical, and if not, then spending substantial time if that is reasonably practical.
This may sound a bit complex. But really the seven stepping stones provide a clear pathway in helping parents come to sensible parenting agreements.
Coming to a sensible parenting agreement is part of obtaining a successful separation. This is the objective I suggest you aim for, following the breakdown of a marriage or relationship.
I have set this out in our free eBook “Lawfully Uncoupling - 9 Steps to a Successful Separation”.
If you are interested in avoiding the many traps and pitfalls in family law and ensuring you have the right parenting arrangements in place, get in touch today!
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(Incorporating Corish & Co Specialist Family Lawyers)
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