Resilience: The Key to Dealing with Today’s Chaos & Uncertainty
When the “ship hits the sand”, building emotional resilience helps us draw on our inner strengths. We learn, grow, and find ourselves on the other side having developed new coping strategies.
When I moved to Asheville a few weeks ago, it carried a high price tag. Yes, in moving financial expenses, but also physically, emotionally and mentally. I was in a new place and only knew 3 people who were miles away. Siri became my new best friend and life line to safety as she navigates the uncharted waters to get me where I need to go.
In the first two weeks, it was all I could do to get to the grocery store! I was exhausted. And Rosie, my mini-goldendoodle, was entering a new unfamiliar life, I knew she was wondering where all her friends were.
Fortunately, I know exactly what to do to take care of myself. First I made a choice to be resilient, to get up each day and no matter what, do the next right thing. Even when I didn’t feel like it, in full faith, I pushed through.
Rosie and I supported each other - I took her to the dog park, and she played and met new friends. The dog people, a wonderful friendly bunch, were great. I learned about the area, connected with other humans, and Rosie ran and played and smiled! Woof!
We are spiritual beings having a human experience to grow our soul. Which means we will encounter lessons to be learned in our time here on Planet Earth. And resilience is our ticket to the liberation and peace we all yearn for.
In this article, I want to address how to cope with the intensity of the energies right now because in a world of chaos and confusion, it’s us, the leaders of the New Age of Conscious Business, who need to show up - NOW. And to do that, we must take care of ourselves first.
Currently, so much feels out of control. Anything that makes us feel out of control, like the current world situation, prompts the need to cultivate resilience. The economy, healthcare, education, and women’s rights are all causing so much anxiety and suffering.
We’ve all had our fair share of opportunities to cultivate emotional resilience. You know those dark nights of the soul - where one more thing just sends us running for the hills. It could be a loss that must be endured or the relentless niggly things that can eat at us day by day until we must can't take it anymore. It's time for a break. Can you relate?
We didn't have a playbook for preserving emotional health during a pandemic, and people all around the world are still struggling. Every leader has faced moments of crisis both large and small. The disruption to our daily routines continues. Whether it is trying to work remotely while kids are screaming in the next room or dealing with the loss of a job, everyone's inner resources are being stretched.
It could be finances, relationships, illness, or death of a loved one, that triggers the need to reach for the inner resources to see us through in better mental health than before. Our ability to bounce back quickly strengthens each time we experience a crisis, setback, or difficult situation. We get stronger and stronger as we go through the slings and arrows of this beautiful & outrageous epic journey - our life time.
How Resilience Happens
“A key ingredient to resilience is recognizing that what you’ve been through is… significant, and recognizing the importance of seeing how it has impacted you and that you’re different than you were prior to the event,” says Kendra Kubala, PsyD, a psychologist working with trauma survivors in Pennsylvania and New York.
Believe me, I didn’t just wake up one day with emotional resilience. Nor did I ever declare “I really would love to cultivate resilience!”. It is a skill that I had to cultivate to survive. And I get better at it each time.
Resilience doesn’t come by bulldozing through life unconsciously repressing my feelings. That is a recipe for disaster. No, resilience is born of strife, hardship, and the deep desire to live - leading me to work on myself to explore ways of dealing, healing and transforming that which keeps me bound. Sometimes we get lucky and know we have big life changes coming and can “head it off at the pass”. Or at least, mitigate the suffering.
To that end, my day starts in the early hours with contemplation, meditation, de-programming neuroplasticity, affirmations and ritual. I get still, go inside and connect to Source Energy as I expand my intuition. It is peaceful and calm within - when you practice enough, and it doesn't take long, you get to where it is a relief to 'be there' - in my sacred quiet universe.
If something is bothering me, I can go into meditation with the intention of getting answers to questions I've journaled about. What choices will I make in light of this situation? Do I need outside help to navigate this? If so who could that be? How can I take care of myself through this?
My tenets I call on when I'm in dire straits emotionally:
Recognize “this too shall pass” - the difficulties are not permanent.
See setbacks as failing forward - as opportunities for growth.
Be disciplined daily to manage stress and emotions.
See that many things are out of my control.
Maintain an open mindset versus a fixed mindset.
Talk to a friend about it, and a therapist if I need trauma work.
The Benefits of Cultivating Resilience
1. Get more control by relinquishing it
For a “recovering” control freak like me (which btw makes me a brilliant ‘director’ ;-) it’s exhausting! Life has a way of beating you down and showing you what’s really important, and what your soul purpose really is. When you are emotionally resilient, you don't have to be in control all the time. How cool is that!?
We get to choose what we want more control over - this in turn, gives us more control! We can stay focused & disciplined and do what we need to do each day because we’re not being ruled by the emotions of upset or anger.
2. Staying neutral when agitated
When you feel our of control, or agitated and frustrated, get quiet and go within and breathe. Go outside and put your feet in the grass for 15 minutes. And remember ‘this too shall pass.” Be proactive in evaluating the situation realistically, and take your next right steps, in a neutral, stable and calm state of being.
3. You stop trying to please others
Oh my, does this wreak havoc with your soul! Emotionally resilient people feel confident within themselves - they feel worthy. We know we can handle anything life throws us. It took me decades to resolve the yearning for approval. I’m also learning how to say no to others when to say yes would be out of alignment with my soul.
4. Mistakes are the way we grow
How did making mistakes become so shameful? As entrepreneurs, we grow business from our learned mistakes. Taking risks like we do each day, putting ourselves out in public the way we have to do is all about taking risks that could be a mistake. The truth is mistakes are necessary for growth. Stay in gratitude.
5. Transform yourself - move through it with grace.
When we are able to bounce back to baseline mental health after an event, we become happier. After this move, I feel more in control of my destiny because I made the move. There is a new confidence, a satisfaction of being true to my word - of walking like I talk. This hasn't gone unnoticed by those I"m closest to. Being emotionally resilient gives back more than it costs to earn it.
Cultivating Emotional Resilience
Start paying attention to your emotions if you want to change your reactivity to your business. Emotions like anger, guilt, sadness, anxiety, and fear are the culprits to cultivating resilience. They hijack your peace and joy and take you into a victim-mindset. Now it’s easy to make excuses or blame others or situations. It robs you of your power when you have these negative emotions.
To cultivate emotional resilience in your business, uncover repressed emotions. When we begin work with a client, the first thing we do is look at where they are now so I can help them define what’s holding them back. We identify & handle any negative beliefs that are holding them back. .
Once you are aware of your emotions, observe them with compassion and empathy as much as possible. Notice how you are comparing your insides to others outsides, because you can never win in that good for nothing game. Just stop and practice accepting yourself just the way you are - this is the backbone of emotional resilience, and your path to freedom from the grip of anxiety.
This is self-love at its core which fosters emotional health and self-awareness which leads to happiness.
8 Tips to Building Emotional Resilience
1.Put your oxygen mask on first
I know when things are ultra stressed, I have trouble concentrating. Getting going in the morning can feel like molasses on a cold winter day. Time to pull out all the stops and commit to eating better, getting exercise in fresh air and sunshine, and sleeping at least 8 hours a night. Saying no to events and people opens the way for me to recover.
2. Own your negative thoughts
Instead of resisting anxious thoughts or escaping them, accepting these feelings is healthy. Simply observe these thoughts, name them without judgment, and then let them go. . “Oh there is that sadness again. I see you and acknowledge you.” Now they don’t have power over you
3. Share your personal impact stories
Thought Leaders today can be challenged by all the fear and uncertainty in the world. Keeping our emotions in check is paramount if we are going to manage and lead our teams who are also struggling. They need our strength to draw on. To be the leader we need to be for them, we must be real. Share with your team that you are also challenged and show empathy. You will be rewarded with their loyalty in a more positive way to get you through darker times.
4. Rebalance quickly
Practicing mindfulness regularly works great when it’s critical to find your inner calm in the face of shocking or surprising developments. My friend, Elatia Abate, recently taught me a great breath exercise - take 6 breaths to calm yourself. Six, not three breaths does something wonderful to the central nervous system that instantly brings down the anxiety.
5. Pause & Reflect
Harvard Business Review recommends self-reflection as a crucial strategy to building emotional resilience. As a leader, it is critical to notice when things are spinning out of control to stop and make time for a few minutes to breathe-work to clear the head - even better, take the afternoon.
6. Lean on your support system
If I didn’t have colleagues and friends who understand me I would be screwed. I make an effort to foster my relationships - to share authentically. And having just moved to a new city, a new land, I am rebuilding my life deliberately, dreaming courageously.
7. Invest in yourself
In the last 20 years, I can't think of a time that I didn't have a business coach or healer in my life. I’ve always had mentors and teachers. This was born out of necessity but now, I wouldn’t dream of going it alone. This type of guidance, while sometimes costly, can be an effective way to improve productivity, strengthen engagement and build emotional resilience.