It’s f*^^%g scary! But I am strong!

It’s like an out of body experience, you lose your wits and struggle to know where you are and what’s going on around you. Legs literally like mums spaghetti, eyes blurry, people talking to you and you can’t respond.

You feel weak and stupid but really it’s the bravest thing you can do.

Today I went into the city centre to watch the Chinese new year parade.

My biggest challenge yet. Crowds of thousands of people and I was on edge going through everything I felt above. At one point I had to take myself away from the crowd in floods of tears because I was shaking so much. Wondering wtf is happening to me at the same time trying to remind myself it’s just anxiety and it will pass.

I was determined not to let it control me, determined to keep living life through the fear, through the physical pain. The only way out of this hell hole is going through it. Retraining my mind and body that it is safe.

Shake it out! Engage! Talk!

After about 30 mins my body started to regulate and I could sense some normality coming back to my body. My legs had stopped shaking and my vision was returning. I took the opportunity to re-engage with life by trying to speak with the people around me. Letting them know it was the year of the snake

and not the dragon.

Happy new year!!!