The 6 levels of healing from dermatillomania
1. LOST
When you feel completely trapped, encompassed and chained by the need to pick your skin. You’re exasperated, ashamed, and exhausted by yourself. Stopping skin picking feels like a hopeless, impossible feat. There’s a part of you that feels powerless and the only path for you to take is acceptance - that this is your life and it’s never going to get better. Too much has happened to you, you’re in too deep, picked your skin for too long, there’s no going back…
2. AWAKENING
A small flame of hope ignites in your stomach. You find a community, you find new information, you have a new insight, something causes you to take back a little of your power and you feel that it IS possible to heal from skin picking. You’re not yet sure how but you’re determined to find out. You won’t spend the rest of your life chained by this addiction! You simply can’t.
3. HEALING
You’ve become curious. You’re seeing the lessons in skin picking. Recognising your triggers, seeing the emotion lying underneath, practising, and implementing new self-soothing techniques. Skin picking is no longer your enemy, it’s your teacher. You’re using it to guide you back to yourself. With each lesson you reconnect a little more with your Core. When you stumble or “fail” you get a little stronger, more unique, more confident, more compassionate and accepting . You’re not a victim of chronic skin picking, you’re a fucking badass. Even if it still hurts deeply when you fall, you manage to pick yourself back up again and start anew, curious for the lesson and growth this “failure” holds.
4. BREAKING FREE
You’ve done a lot of inner work. You’ve healed immensely. You understand why you need to pick your skin, your triggers and the emotions that underly them. You have a weaponry of self-soothing techniques at your disposal, and you have daily practises you’ve been committed to for months. You don’t pick every day or even every time you feel triggered. You might go a week or two without picking. You’re a little confused as to why you can’t shake off the last tendrils of this addiction clinging to you and holding you back. To be honest, it doesn’t really feel like an addiction anymore, it feels more like a bad habit you just can’t seem to shake. It doesn’t bother you too much anymore, but you would LOVE to be free from it.
5. LIMBO
This is in between breaking free and pure freedom. It’s a strange place to be because you realise, you’re nervous, even afraid to leave skin picking behind. You’re sad to leave this part of yourself and step into the new version. You’ve been a “skin picker” for so long you’re not sure who you are without it. You’ve gotten so used to wearing the mask and hiding behind skin picking it feels incredibly vulnerable to go about life without it. You feel naked and exposed. Like you true self is there for the whole world to see and to judge.
Yet you have all the tools, you have the mindset, you have the practises, you trust yourself deeply, feel capable, and have compassion and love for your imperfections, you’re READY… and then there’s that small part of you that’s trepidatious of the unknown. That small but incredibly convincing voice - it doesn’t look that bad, no one can tell, my skin is pretty good anyway, just one won’t hurt, I’m ok with this…
The only way to soothe this little voice is to do the thing that’s causing it to speak up. You’re ready. You’ve never been more ready.
6. FREEDOM
…I’ll let you know when I get out of limbo.
I was considering writing about how I imagined freedom would be but it felt dishonest and that's not the standard I want to set with you. Keep an eye out for an update on the 6th Level. It's coming soon! I can feel it.
KEY POINTS ABOUT THE 6 LEVELS
Growth and healing are not linear
You may feel yourself bounce between the different levels. You will find that at some stage you’ve progressed so far that you no longer bounce back into Lost but you bounce between healing and Breaking Free. One day you’ll find you’re bouncing predominantly between Breaking Free and Limbo with maybe a little toe dip into Healing when you discover something new.
#1 Ingredient
The most important ingredient for healing and growth is change. Change does not always feel good. In fact, it’s exactly in these harder moments that you’ll experience the greatest healing. It’s exactly when you want to give up, when everything is going wrong that you’ll have an awesome opportunity to grow.
Trust
Trust the process. Trust that if you’re moving, you’re making progress. You may not see it yet, but this moment you’re in right now will be something to look back on with compassion, love, and pride at how you pulled yourself through. Maybe this moment will become a significant turning point in your life!!
Micro steps over Macro
The catalyst for the most profound changes I made began with the tiniest, most insignificant steps.
Who would have thought that squaring my shoulders and looking ahead rather than at my feet would be the first step to regaining my self-esteem and self-respect. If I hadn’t created that first tiny, tiny change then nothing would have changed.
NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES!
Have you heard that before? Maybe you've heard this too:
What’s one small change you can make today that will benefit you in the future?
That first small change you make could be writing down an answer to this question. It's as small as that. Make the goal microscopic! Make it something as small as squaring your shoulders, looking ahead rather than at your feet, smiling at yourself in the mirror whenever you see you reflection.
Go micro - write it down - stick it where you'll see it.
YOU ARE FULL OF UNTAPPED POWER
An individual grain of sand might look insignificant on its own, but the rolling dunes of the Sahara speak of power and formidability. The glittering, white beaches in Australia speak of beauty and tranquillity. The grains you find in your shoes, in your car and throughout your house speak of happy memories and exasperation (because I just vacuumed!).
Every tiny change you make is a grain of sand added to your power, your inner beauty, your tranquillity, your formidability, your happiness… the real you will also be a thorn in the side of those who prefered you when you were limited. Screw them – take that pen and paper and write something down.
